


we fell in love in october.

by porcelainsimplicity (pyroallerdyce), pyroallerdyce



Series: i have an obsession with fire and ice (aka all my john/bobby fics) [40]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Boys Kissing, Come Shot, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Getting Back Together, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Emotional Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Kissing, M/M, Major Character Injury, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Money, Novella, Recreational Drug Use, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-12-18 07:21:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18245093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/porcelainsimplicity, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: The mark had been there for nearly seven months, and every time John looked at it, he became more frustrated.  It was one of the elaborate ones, a gigantic set of wings that curled around his forearm, and he knew once it was colored it was going to look amazing, regardless of what the color turned out to be.  But his frustration came from the fact that it wasn't yet the red of eternal love or the blue of eternal friendship.  It was still just a pale pink etching, meaning that his soulmate had yet to reach their twenty-third birthday.Or that they were already dead, but John was choosing not to think about that possibility.  He really needed more positivity in his life, not more negativity.or:  John and Bobby had a past relationship that John tries to forget.  But Bobby hasn't forgotten it at all, and a chance meeting at the coffee shop where John works forces John to remember.  John is still counting on his soulmark turning red and being able to leave Bobby behind once and for all, but there might be other plans at work from fate, destiny, and all that bullshit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the last thing in the world I need right now is something else to write because I have a shit ton of things to write. like seriously. but here we are, folks, because this literally would not leave me alone until it left my head. I have no idea how long this is going to be, except for the fact that it'll be a couple of chapters at least, and I don't know when it'll be updated/finished because like I said, shit ton of things to write. I'm really hoping this will leave my head quickly and therefore I will be able to get it finished quickly, but who knows at this point what is going to happen with my brain, because I certainly do not.
> 
> If you read this and for some insane reason like it, I would appreciate a comment or a kudos. Thank you.

**October 1st**

The mark had been there for nearly seven months, and every time John looked at it, he became more frustrated. It was one of the elaborate ones, a gigantic set of wings that curled around his forearm, and he knew once it was colored it was going to look amazing, regardless of what the color turned out to be. But his frustration came from the fact that it wasn't yet the red of eternal love or the blue of eternal friendship. It was still just a pale pink etching, meaning that his soulmate had yet to reach their twenty-third birthday. 

Or that they were already dead, but John was choosing not to think about that possibility. He really needed more positivity in his life, not more negativity.

His life was full of enough negativity, thank you very much. His parents hated him because he was a mutant, which meant that they'd stopped paying for college, which meant he had to stop going because he couldn't pay for it, which meant he worked in a coffee shop instead of an office. And it did not matter that he loved Lehnsherr's, and it did not matter that the staff had become his family, and it did not matter that he probably wouldn't have things any other way. What mattered was that his dreams lie broken on the floor like shattered glass and nothing was going to change that.

So what he really needed was someone to love, which made the fact that he could wake up any morning with blue wings on his arm that much more terrifying. 

The coffee shop was busy when John walked in, and he squeezed his way through the crowd to get behind the counter. He headed into the back to stash his coat, stepping into the manager's office to clock in.

“Well?”

John turned around to find Raven in the doorway, a curious expression on her face. “Well, what?”

“Blue or red?” Raven asked, her tone implying that he should have known that. “I'm curious if I'm going to a wedding or not.”

John resisted rolling his eyes as he reached for his sleeve, rolling it up and showing Raven his arm. “As you can tell, it remains neither.”

Raven stepped forward and carefully ran her fingers along the pale pink lines. “I always forget how beautiful this is until I see it.”

“It'll look more beautiful once it's actually colored, though I am beginning to doubt that it ever will be,” John said, resignation in his voice. “I should just start accepting the fact that my soulmate is dead because that's the way my luck goes.”

“You cannot think of things like that!” Raven admonished. “Fuck, John, don't torture yourself like that.”

“It's not torturing myself. It's dealing with reality,” John said, turning around to clock in. “Now if you'll excuse me, Kitty needs my help. The after-school rush is about to begin.”

Raven shook her head but let John leave the office. “Be more positive, John! All this negativity will destroy you someday!”

“Fuck off, Raven!” John called back, heading out into the front and smiling at Kitty. He took up his customary position at the cash register and smiled at the next customer. “Welcome to Lehnsherr's, what can I get started for you?”

The two of them worked like a machine for an hour until the rush died down, and once they got a chance to breathe, the first thing Kitty did was reach for John's arm and push up his sleeve. “Oh, Johnny.”

John pulled his arm back and shook his head. “Doesn't matter. It'll either happen or it won't.”

“Just keep in mind that all you know so far is that they haven't turned twenty-three. That's all that this means.”

“Or they're dead.”

“I thought we've had discussions about how that is not something you're allowed to think about,” Kitty said, shaking her head. “Positive thoughts, remember?”

“Just because you're training to be a therapist doesn't mean you can try out your techniques on me,” John said, sighing. “But I know you're right, and I'm really trying, it's just that my life has been so shit for so long that I don't even know how to process positive thoughts anymore.”

Kitty went to give John a hug but the door to the shop opened and in walked a man John had sworn he'd never see again. He turned around to the cash register as the man approached the counter, unable to smile at him. “Welcome to Lehnsherr's, what can I get started for you?”

The man perused the menu for a moment before turning his attention to John. “Large snowcap mocha, extra espresso shot, whipped cream on top.”

“Absolutely,” John said, grabbing a cup and writing out the order in shorthand. “And a name?”

“Bobby,” the man said. “But you already knew that.”

John quickly turned to give the cup to Kitty so she could make the drink. He paused for the briefest of moments to remind himself not to make an idiot of himself, and then he turned back around with a fake smile plastered on his face. “Is there anything else I can get you, Bobby?”

“You could tell me how you are,” Bobby said softly. “I've really missed you, John.”

“I'm sure you have,” John said, ignoring the way that Kitty had spun around to stare at him. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“Johnny,” Bobby said, and John almost gave in at the sound of his nickname on that voice. “Can we at least talk?”

“I am working.”

“What about when your shift is finished?”

John forced himself to take a deep breath. “No, though I suspect that's not going to be good enough for you. Nothing ever was before. Now, is there anything else I can get you?”

A flash of hurt crossed Bobby's face before he expertly hid it away behind that Drake businesslike facade that John had seen all too much of over the years. “No, the coffee will be all.”

John quickly rang up the coffee and announced the total, Bobby handing over a black label credit card to pay for it, which made John want to roll his eyes. Bobby Drake, flaunting his wealth yet again. John handed the card back and turned to face Kitty, who handed him the drink and gave him a comforting smile. John turned back to Bobby and held out the cup, ignoring the jolt that went through him when their fingers brushed as Bobby took it from him. “Thank you for visiting Lehnsherr's. We hope you enjoy that coffee and have a great day.”

Bobby took a long sip of his drink before shaking his head. “I'm going to go sit over there,” he said, pointing to a corner of the room, “and wait until your shift is over because I am not leaving without us talking.”

“I would attempt to talk you out of that but I know you won't listen to me. Just know that when my shift is over, I'm not talking to you.”

“We'll see about that,” Bobby said, turning around and walking towards the corner. “You're the one who disappeared, Johnny. Just remember that.”

As soon as Bobby was out of earshot, Kitty gave John a look. “Explain. Now.”

John shook his head. “I don't have to do that.”

“Well, I know that Bobby fucking Drake just made it seem like you two had some sort of relationship so you're either telling me right now or I'm asking him about it on my break.”

“Kitty.”

“I am fucking serious.”

John sighed heavily. “You know that ridiculous phrase college sweetheart? He was mine.”

Kitty's eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” John said, leaning up against the counter and running his hands over his face. “Fuck, Kitty, I was so motherfucking in love with him but he was so far out of my league it wasn't even funny, and I just decided to end it myself before I could be hurt any more by it. When all the shit went down with my parents, I decided it was better to just use that opportunity to disappear. This is the first time I've seen him since that day.”

“Oh, Johnny,” Kitty said, pulling him into a hug. “This is the guy you've been so hung up about, isn't it?”

“This is why I need my soulmate,” John murmured into her shoulder. “Someone to come around and make me forget about him. It's why I'm terrified I'm going to wake up one morning and this mark will be blue. I want to forget him, Kitty, and I've tried so hard, but for some reason, I just can't.”

“Would you want him back?” Kitty asked softly as she pulled back.

“Kitty, don't even go there.”

“I'm just asking a question.”

“And I know you. Don't even go there.”

Kitty sighed as the door to the shop opened. “Fine, but only because we have to get back to work.”

“Thank you,” John said, turning to the counter and smiling at the woman who approached. “Welcome to Lehnsherr's, what can I get started for you?”

John spent the rest of his shift not so subtly watching Bobby across the room, diverting his gaze every time they made eye contact. Bobby kept to his word and stayed until the end of John's shift, which meant that at one a.m. he was still sitting there when John came out of the back after clocking out. John shook his head as he made his way over to the table, sitting down in the armchair opposite him. “Don't you have much more important things to be doing than sitting in this place all night?”

“I've been working,” Bobby said, reaching towards his laptop and closing it. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“No.”

“Johnny.”

“Please don't call me that.”

“Fine, I won't,” Bobby said, giving him a pleading look. “Please, John. I just want to know what I did wrong.”

“You didn't do anything wrong,” John said, standing up and heading towards the door. He was a block and a half down the street when Bobby caught up with him, and John knew that he wasn't going to be able to get out of this. “Pick a bar.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am not having this conversation without alcohol. Pick a bar.”

“There's plenty of alcohol back at my place,” Bobby said, smiling at him. “And I don't think we should have this conversation in public.”

John knew, _knew_ , that going back to Bobby's place was a very bad idea. But his mind was unhelpfully reminding him of what it was like to feel Bobby's hands on his skin, and John found himself nodding before he could stop it. “Fine.”

Bobby's smile turned into a grin. “Then let's go.”

Bobby led them to a station and got them on the right train, and while he tried to talk to John on the ride, John wouldn't say a thing back to him. After they got off the train, they walked to one of the nicest apartment buildings that John had ever seen, and as he looked around, he noticed that they were in Manhattan instead of Brooklyn.

When had he missed how long they rode the train for?

They walked into the building and got into the elevator, and Bobby reached for a key instead of punching one of the buttons. John watched as he inserted the key and then turned it, and it took him a moment before he realized this meant that Bobby lived in the penthouse.

Barely out of college and already in a penthouse in Manhattan. Yeah, Bobby Drake wasn't stupidly rich. Not at all.

When they walked out of the elevator and into the penthouse, John spent a moment looking around at the opulence Bobby lived in. Pristine hardwood floors and what he suspected was a marble fireplace and a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows that clearly overlooked Central Park. The kitchen was opened up into the large room they were currently in and Bobby made his way over to it, slinging his messenger bag down on a chair and opening up a cabinet. By the time John made it over to the counter, Bobby had poured them each a glass of whiskey and was sipping at his.

Whiskey. Bobby had always known that was John's favorite.

“Why did you disappear?” Bobby asked as John picked up his drink. “Because I didn't even have a suspicion that you'd run on me.”

John tried to think of all the ways he could get out of this conversation that didn't involve trying to get Bobby to take their clothes off, and in the end, he realized that there was no way to do so. So he took a long sip of his drink and then sighed. “I really don't want to have this conversation.”

“Then you never should have come back here with me,” Bobby said strongly. “Please, John. Tell me what I did wrong.”

“I told you, you didn't do anything wrong,” John said, taking another long sip of his drink before giving in. “I told my parents.”

Bobby's eyes widened and he reached across the counter to cover John's hand with his own. “Oh, Johnny.”

“Please don't call me that.”

“Sorry. I take it that it didn't go well?”

John let out a bitter laugh. “You could say that.”

“Tell me about it?”

John let himself stare at the concerned look in Bobby's eyes for a moment before tearing his gaze away. “I really don't see why that's necessary.”

“Please?”

John just sighed. “I started out with the fact that I'm gay. That didn't go over that well but they said they'd work towards accepting it. And then I mentioned the mutant thing and everything just went to shit. They immediately cut off everything so I had to drop out of school because I obviously could no longer afford it, and I haven't spoken to them since that day and know that I never will again.”

“Why didn't you just come and tell me that?” Bobby asked after a few moments of silence. “You needed comfort then and I had told you on multiple occasions that I would give you that when you finally told them.”

John took a deep breath as they got to the portion of the conversation that he never wanted to have. He closed his eyes and took a long sip of his drink, before shaking his head. “No.”

“No?”

“I don't have to answer that.”

“John, please. I just want to know.”

“Bobby, can't you just accept the fact that I don't want to have this conversation and deal with it?”

“I have searched for you for almost two years,” Bobby admitted quietly. “I knew that Jubes knew where you were but she wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't tell any of us. I just had to see you again, had to know why you did what you did. You were just gone overnight, John. You didn't even take all of your stuff with you.”

“Nowhere to take it to,” John said, shaking his head. “Hard to live in a hostel with a shit ton of boxes that you can't carry on your own.”

“I still have it all, if you want it back.”

John's head snapped up at that. “What?”

“I still have it if you want it all back.”

John swallowed hard. “You kept all of that shit?”

“It wasn't shit, John,” Bobby said, shaking his head. “Some of your most treasured possessions are among that stuff. And I know that because you had told me as such.”

John stood there for a minute before shaking his head. “I let go of all of that a long time ago.”

“Well, if you change your mind, just let me know. It's just in a closet in the office. I can easily get it all for you.”

John forced himself to take a sip of his drink. “So how's the boyfriend?”

Bobby let out a small laugh. “There's no boyfriend. There's never going to be a boyfriend.”

John felt a lump form in his throat. “Why?”

“Because it was you,” Bobby said softly. “It'll always be you.”

John shook his head violently. “You'll have a soulmate, Bobby, and you'll forget about me.”

“I still say we're each other's soulmate,” Bobby said. “I bet that mark of yours hasn't turned color yet, has it?”

“No, it hasn't.”

“Well, my twenty-third birthday is three days from now,” Bobby said, reaching to pour himself another glassful. “And I'm willing to bet that it turns red then.”

“I think you're delusional.”

“I think you're gorgeous.”

John took a deep breath before setting his glass down and walking around the counter, reaching for Bobby's hand. “Alright, let's just get this over with.”

Bobby laughed and started pulling John in the direction of his bedroom. “Don't sound so enthusiastic or anything.”

“Drake, don't even get me started on how much I want this but don't at the same time.”

“You won't be saying that when I suck your dick.”

“Yeah, yeah, we'll see.”

John quietly slipped out of Bobby's bed hours later when the sun was beginning to rise, and he got dressed and left the apartment. On the elevator ride down to the ground floor, he thought of what a horrible mistake the night before was, because now all he was going to be able to think about was Bobby's hands on his skin, his breathless moans echoing in his ears. By the time he was on the train back to Brooklyn, John decided that Bobby Drake could go fuck himself for making John remember what it felt like to be loved.

Three days later, on the morning of Bobby's twenty-third birthday, John woke up and looked at his arm. 

His soulmark was red.

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**October 4th**

On the morning of his twenty-third birthday, Bobby woke to the sounds of someone moving around in his apartment. Glancing over at the clock, he noticed that it was nearly ten and realized it must be Rogue. He sat up in bed and stretched before standing up and walking towards where the noise was coming from.

Rogue was in the kitchen, standing over the stove and making something that Bobby suspected was pancakes. "Mornin', darlin'. Happy birthday."

"Thanks, Rogue," Bobby said, settling himself at the center island and smiling when suddenly there was a cup of coffee in front of him. "What would I do without you?"

"Starve, most likely," Rogue said, grinning at him. "So? Let's see it."

"See what?"

"Robert Drake, I know you always wake up groggy but come on. It's your twenty-third birthday and I want to see your soulmark."

Bobby set the coffee down and examined his arms quickly before determining that it wasn't there. He stood up and glanced at his legs too, determining it wasn't there either. "I don't know where it is."

"Take off your shirt then," Rogue said, rolling her eyes when Bobby shook his head no. "I have seen you in fewer clothes than a pair of boxer shorts before, Bobby. Take off your shirt."

"You've seen me in no clothes, you mean," Bobby said as he reached for the bottom of his shirt. "I thought we agreed to never bring that up again."

"Shut the fuck up and take that shirt off before I come to rip it off you."

Bobby laughed and pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it to the side and looking down at his chest. He frowned when he still didn't see anything. "Where the fuck is it?"

"Probably on your back," Rogue said. "Turn around."

Bobby did as asked and when Rogue got a look at his back, she gasped. "Oh, darlin', it's gorgeous."

"What's it look like?"

"It's a beautiful scroll design."

"One of the elaborate ones then."

"Yes. And don't ya worry. I'll take a picture so you can see it," Rogue said, reaching out and letting her gloved fingers dance across the lines. "But I'll tell ya this. It's red."

Bobby broke out into a grin and turned around, reaching for his shirt. Rogue snatched the shirt out of his hands before he could put it back on, making Bobby cry out. "Hey!"

"I cannot take a picture of it if you put the shirt back on," she said, turning back to the stove for a moment to take the pancakes off the griddle. "And those were the last pancakes so now I can."

Rogue grabbed her phone and walked around the island, maneuvering Bobby so he was in the better light. She lined up the picture and snapped a couple, immediately sending one to Bobby's phone. "There ya go, darlin'."

"Thank you," Bobby murmured as he grabbed the shirt from her hands. "I'm going to go grab my phone. I left it in my bedroom."

"Breakfast will be ready when you come back out here!" Rogue called out as Bobby jogged back to his bedroom, grabbing his phone off his bedside table. 

He was staring at the picture when he walked back into the kitchen, his eyes wide. "Fuck, it's beautiful."

"It really is," Rogue said, setting a plate of pancakes in front of him as he sat down. "Now put the phone down and start eatin'."

Bobby was halfway through his first stack of pancakes when he realized he had to say it. He hadn't told Rogue about his encounter with John three days previous, but he suspected Jubilee had heard all about it from John and Rogue would know about it in a matter of hours. "I wonder what color John's soulmark is."

"Bobby, we've talked about how you can't dwell on Johnny," Rogue said, shaking her head. "It's not healthy for you, especially now that you know that you've got a soulmate out there."

"My soulmate is John. I'm sure of it."

"You're not sure of anythin'. You don't even know where John is."

"He's in Gravesend, Brooklyn," Bobby said, pausing to take a bite. "Or, at least, that's where he works."

Rogue looked up at him in surprise. "What?"

"Remember how you told me to try out Lehnsherr's because it's a mutant-owned coffee shop? Well, I did, and when I walked in, who was behind the counter but my Johnny."

"Tell me you got him to stay and talk to you. Please."

"I got him to come back here and talk to me," Bobby said, ducking his head down. "It probably wasn't the best idea in the world, but fuck was it worth it. I really, really needed that."

Rogue stared at him with her jaw dropped. "You two fucked?"

"Of course we did."

"How long ago was this?"

"Three days ago."

Rogue reached out and slapped him hard on the shoulder. "Why the fuck are you waitin' until now to tell me this?"

"I didn't know how to say it," Bobby admitted. "I mean, you're always trying so hard to let me know how important it is to get over him and I just...I lost my mind when I saw him. All sense of reason went out the window. But it was a good thing. It really was."

Rogue just shook her head. "So what color was his soulmark then? His birthday was what, seven months ago?"

"That's the thing, Rogue. It wasn't colored."

Rogue stood there for a moment. "It wasn't colored."

"No."

"And you just happened to walk into a coffee shop where he worked three days ago."

"Yep."

"So you think this is fate's work."

"I don't see how it can't be," Bobby said, reaching for his orange juice. "I mean, it's been almost two years since he disappeared. And then suddenly I find him three days before I get my soulmark, and said soulmark appears red? It's too much of a coincidence."

Rogue reached for her phone. "I'm asking Jubilee what color John's soulmark is. Now."

"Don't tell her about the other night just in case John hasn't told her."

Rogue sighed heavily. "Fine, but she is findin' this out soon, especially if Johnny's soulmark has suddenly turned red."

Rogue typed out the message and set the phone to the side, taking a couple of bites before her phone indicated there was a new message. "Alright, Jubes says that John informed her this morning that his soulmark has turned red, and she wants to know why I'm suddenly curious about this piece of information. So I'm remindin' her what today is, okay? She clearly doesn't remember that it's your birthday."

"She probably hasn't looked at her calendar yet," Bobby said, taking a deep breath. "And tell her that mine is red too."

"Already on it," Rogue said, polishing off the last of her breakfast as soon as the message was typed. "Fuck, I cannot believe that you were right all this time."

"We don't know for sure that I was right all this time," Bobby pointed out.

"I suppose that we won't know until one of you presses down on the other's soulmark. But you're right, this is all too much of a coincidence. This is your destiny."

"I hope so," Bobby said softly as Rogue cleared away their plates. "I really hope so."

"Bobby," Rogue said, reaching out and taking him by the hand. "If it's not Johnny, then all that means is that you have a soulmate out there somewhere waitin' to love you forever. So this isn't the end of the world if it's not him."

"I want it to be him," Bobby whispered. "I really, really want it to be him."

"Me too, darlin'." Rogue grabbed her phone when it indicated a message and she broke out into a grin. "Jubes is freakin' out right now. She said this grand reunion needs to be orchestrated."

"I don't think John's going to be happy about this," Bobby said, twirling his coffee cup around. "He was definitely not happy about the other night."

"Johnny just needs to remember how much you two love each other," Rogue soothed. "I don't know why he did what he did, but Jubes said he had irrational reasons. All you need to do is force him to make rational decisions for once."

"He told his parents."

Rogue visibly winced. "Fuck."

"Apparently it wasn't the gay bit but the mutant bit. Regardless, they cut him off immediately and so he just disappeared. I still don't really understand why he didn't come to any of us. I'm one hundred percent certain that the only reason he kept in contact with Jubes is that she's Jubes. She's been his confidante since middle school."

"Poor Johnny. He needed all of us and instead, he ran away."

"Pretty much. He seemed surprised when I told him I still have everything he left behind."

Rogue gave him a look. "Didn't I tell you to donate that?"

"Yes, you did. That doesn't mean I was ever going to listen," Bobby said defensively. "I couldn't give up hope. Doing that would be giving up hope."

"The only, and I mean the only, reason that I'm not callin' someone to come over here and collect that stuff for donation is what has gone down in the last three days. That is it."

"Thank you," Bobby murmured. "And if he's not my soulmate and he doesn't want it, then I promise you, I'll donate it."

"Good, darlin'," Rogue said, looking over at the clock. "Now get in the shower. We've got a busy day ahead of us."

"There's not a single thing on my schedule today, Rogue."

"Not at the moment there's not, but if you honestly think that Jubes and I aren't gonna get you and Johnny in the same room today, you're an idiot."

Bobby stared at her for a moment before heading towards his bedroom. "Fine."

Rogue waited until he was out of earshot before reaching for her phone and calling Jubilee. "Jubes, this is for real, right?"

"It has to be," Jubilee said. "Johnny's been waiting for months for that soulmark to turn color and then it turns red on Bobby's birthday. If that's not fate, then I don't know what it is."

"We're gettin' them into the same room tonight, right?"

"Johnny works until one a.m., so I don't know how that would be possible tonight."

"Then we'll go there."

Jubilee laughed. "Rogue, you don't even know where Johnny works."

"He works at Lehnsherr's in Gravesend, Brooklyn."

Jubilee was silent for a moment. "How do you know that?"

"You know Bobby. He likes to try places owned by mutants. I told him that one was, and he went over and tried it."

"So they've seen each other?"

"According to Bobby, they fucked three days ago."

"Motherfucker didn't tell me!" Jubilee exclaimed. "Okay, that's it, now we're definitely ambushing Johnny at work tonight. And he's not getting out of this one either. He has the day off tomorrow."

"I really hope this goes well."

"Me too, but I still don't know what Johnny's major issue with Bobby was. He just told me that he couldn't take it anymore, whatever that is supposed to mean."

"Well, we'll get this figured out. Those two deserve some happiness. Bobby's been miserable without him."

"Johnny will never admit to it, but he's been miserable without Bobby too."

"Then it is our duty to show them that destiny is bringin' them back together."

"Exactly. I've got to run, Rogue, but I'll call you later to figure out how we're going to do this, okay?"

"Got it. Talk to you later."

Rogue hung up the phone and grinned. Bobby came walking back into the room freshly showered and fully dressed about twenty minutes later, and Rogue couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. "You know, we're really gonna have to get you some clothes that show off your soulmark."

"No, we're not," Bobby said, shaking his head. "I refuse to wear those ridiculous clothes that are designed to show off shoulder or back soulmarks. Absolutely refuse. There is only one person I want seeing my soulmark and that's my soulmate."

"Johnny."

"God I hope so."

Rogue grinned. "I talked to Jubes. We're all gonna meet up at Lehnsherr's tonight and then party from there."

"Please tell me that Johnny is at least going to be warned that we're coming. He was not happy about me just walking in there the other day."

Rogue just rolled her eyes. "Sure he wasn't. That's why he came back here and fucked you."

Bobby's cheeks flushed. "Can you not go around announcing that please?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Bobby. No one is gonna give a fuck if they find out you like havin' sex with men."

"You say that now."

"I say that always, darlin'. And I'm right about it too." Rogue glanced over at the clock before grabbing Bobby by the hand. "Alright, let's go."

"And where are we going?"

"You need somethin' to wear tonight. Have to make a good impression on Johnny."

"And what I'm wearing is not good enough?"

Rogue stopped and gave him a look. "Sure, if you wanna look like you're goin' to a business meetin'. These are not appropriate clothes for tryin' to get your man back."

"I could be completely wrong about this. Completely."

"Jubes and I think otherwise, so until we're proven wrong, we are goin' with it. And part of that means shoppin' for somethin' sexy for you to wear tonight."

Bobby shook his head but let Rogue pull him towards the elevator. "Fine, but I get the final say on them."

"Darlin', you never get the final say when we're shoppin' and you know it. You're not gettin' it today either."

"Alright, alright. Fine."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been three days and this has already spiraled out of control. I somehow knew this was going to happen.

**October 4th**

John walked into the coffee shop and immediately headed into the back, ignoring Kitty's call of his name. He absolutely did not want to do this, absolutely hated what was on his arm, and was absolutely furious with fate, destiny, and all that bullshit. When he said he wanted someone to love, he had not meant this.

Kitty came into the office while he was clocking in, and she grabbed at his arm. He let her push up his sleeve, and the happy squeal she let out when she saw the red really should have made him smile. Instead, it just made him feel worse.

"Oh, Johnny, I am so happy for you!" Kitty exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "I cannot wait for you to find him. Really, this is amazing."

"No, it really isn't," John said, making Kitty frown.

"What are you talking about? You've been waiting for this day for months."

"I know I have. I just...why did It have to be this day?"

Kitty watched him for a moment. "Is this an anniversary I don't know about? Something to do with your parents?"

John let out a hollow laugh. "I wish. That would be preferable to what this is."

Kitty went to ask what that was supposed to mean but was interrupted by Erik coming into the office. "Kids, I would prefer it if you went and got ready for work. Alex and Darwin's shifts are almost over."

"We'll go out there in a second," Kitty said, turning back to John. "What is today, Johnny?"

Erik looked over at them and smiled when he noticed the red on John's arm. "John. Congratulations. That's wonderful."

"No, it's really not," John said, pulling away from Kitty and making his way out of the office.

He rolled his sleeve back down before he reached the front, nodding hello to Alex and Darwin before positioning himself in front of the cash register and greeting the next customer. Darwin was replaced by Kitty after a couple of moments, and when Jean came out of the back a few minutes after that, Alex went to clock out, but not before some light teasing of Jean about her date with his brother that night. They worked in silence as the lunch rush came through, but the moment it died down and no one was in line, Kitty turned to John and fixed a glare on him.

"John Allerdyce, you are telling me what's so wrong with the fact that your soulmark has turned red right now."

"Wait a minute, it turned red?" Jean asked, coming to join them. "John, that's great."

"No, it's not."

"What?" Jean asked, confused.

"Tell us, Johnny," Kitty said seriously. "Tell me what today is and why it has got you so upset."

"I don't have to answer that."

"It's the ex's birthday," came Jubilee's voice, and John turned to glare at her as she walked into the shop. 

"You can fuck off."

"Not a chance, Johnny boy."

"The ex?" Kitty asked. "You mean Bobby?"

"Bobby? Is that his name?" Jean asked. "I thought John never wanted to speak his name."

Jubilee laughed. "Oh, honey, that's hysterical."

"Shut the fuck up, Jubes," John said through gritted teeth.

"After learning that you saw him the other day, went back to his place, fucked him, and you didn't tell me about it? No, that's not happening."

Kitty laughed. "Oh, Johnny. You really should have sought him out before this. I mean, you knew where he was. It's a little hard not to know where Bobby Drake is."

Jean gasped. "Bobby Drake? The ex is Bobby Drake?"

John glared at everyone before glancing at the clock. "I'm taking my break now."

They all sighed as John stalked into the back, pushing his way out into the alley and dropping down onto the steps. This was terrible, everything about it was awful, and a bunch of gossiping girls wasn't going to help matters. The last person in the entire world that he wanted to be his soulmate most likely was.

Except he'd always wanted Bobby Drake to be his soulmate, even after he left, and he knew it. Bobby Drake was the love of his life and he'd known that for a very long time. 

They'd met four days into their freshman year of college when Jubilee had brought him along to one of their meetups. Bobby was in her sociology class and she had said he needed friends. The connection between them had been instant and immediately strong, and upon learning that each other was gay, going on a date seemed like the only logical step. That date turned into a relationship, which turned into a serious relationship, which turned into them sharing an apartment near the NYU campus, making plans about a future that John wanted but couldn't quite see.

John never felt good enough for Bobby. Ever. It didn't matter that Bobby was standing right in front of him telling John that he loved him. All John could think about was how Bobby deserved someone better than him. And it didn't help that John's sensibilities from being from a humble background sometimes clashed with Bobby's sensibilities from being the heir to a massive fortune. Bobby had spent a shit ton of money on an apartment for them to live in and John had a problem spending more than fifty dollars on a pair of jeans. John tried to get him to understand that he couldn't handle all this money being spent on him and Bobby tried to get him to just let him shower John with gifts. Bobby always won those arguments, because Bobby always won every argument, because the only thing they ever really argued about was money. And with every argument Bobby won, it became harder and harder for John to even begin to contemplate the thought that he was good enough because he wasn't even good enough to win an argument. Despite those arguments over money, they were perfectly matched in every way. 

But John couldn't concentrate on that, only on how Bobby deserved someone who was more on his level. The conclusion that John had come to was that Bobby was going to leave him because John Allerdyce wasn't good enough for anyone, especially someone like Bobby Drake. And it slowly built and built and built, John feeling incredibly inadequate, until he decided the right thing to do for both of them was to leave before he was left. He tried to figure out when the right time to do it would be, used the opportunity provided by his parents and their sudden dismissal of him from their lives, packed a couple of suitcases while Bobby was in Boston visiting his parents, and left. He didn't even leave a note.

That had been nearly two years ago, and he had just started to get to a place where he only thought of Bobby every other day when the door to the coffee shop had opened and Bobby had walked in. He knew talking to him was a bad idea. He knew going back to his apartment was a bad idea. He knew the fact that they were obviously going to fuck was a bad idea. He knew all of that and he did it anyway. It could have been fine. Just a night, never to happen again. But Bobby fucking Drake had to mention his upcoming birthday and on said birthday, the soulmark John had been praying to turn red had turned red. 

There were coincidences, and then there was fate, destiny, and all that bullshit. There was no way this was just a coincidence.

John jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked over to see Jubilee sitting down next to him. She took one look at him and pulled John into her arms, and he buried his face in her neck. "Why? Why did it have to be him?"

"Because it was meant to be him," Jubilee said softly. "And the only way this is going to work is if you tell him why you left."

"The other night, he just wanted to know what he had done wrong. And I told him he hadn't done anything wrong and that wasn't a lie. He didn't do anything wrong. He's perfect. It was me. It was all me."

"What do you mean it was you?"

"I'm not good enough for him. I never have been and I never will be."

Jubilee's arms tightened around him. "Oh, Johnny boy. You are an idiot if you actually think that."

"I'm just an almost broke kid from Queens, Jubes. I'm definitely not good enough for the heir to the Drake shipping fortune."

"Bobby is a hell of a lot more than the heir to the Drake shipping fortune. He's a person too, and he's an incredibly kind and generous man who you are so perfectly matched with. And he loves you, Johnny. He always has and he always will, especially now."

"I want this so badly," John practically whispered. "I want him so badly because I love him so much but I'm still not good enough for him. I still never will be."

"Stop it with that right now," Jubilee demanded. "It is up to Bobby to determine whether or not you're good enough for him. He determined that you are. Fuck, fate itself has determined you're good enough for him. What more has to happen before you believe that?"

"I don't know," John said, sitting up. "But I'm not sure it'll ever happen."

"Well, you're going to have to realize that and fast, or else the rest of your life is really going to suck."

"I'm not going to see him again, Jubes."

"And if you think that's something I'm going to allow, then you really are an idiot."

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I have to get back to work."

"Fine," Jubilee said, standing up. "But after your shift tonight, we're going out and getting a drink. You definitely look like you need one."

"Agreed," John said, standing up as well. "Go order your drink and then get out of here."

Jubilee just shook her head and walked back into the building. "You really need to work on your manners, Johnny boy."

"I have plenty of manners, just not for incredibly nosy and interfering friends."

"I didn't tell him where you were, John. He found you all on his own."

"Nothing you say is ever going to make me believe that."

"Well, it's the truth," Jubilee said, walking out of the back and then around the counter. "Kitty, how about you make me an avalanche and then I'll get out of here for a while."

"Got it." 

John punched the order into the register and took the money from Jubilee, shaking his head at the look on her face. "Whatever it is you're planning, stop it now."

"I'm not planning anything."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I really am not," Jubilee said, thanking Jean for the drink when she handed it over. "Drink tonight. Remember that."

"I will, I promise," John said, sighing with relief when she finally left. "Fuck, I hate her."

"You love her and you know it," Kitty said, turning to him. "So it's Bobby, hm?"

"Most likely," John said, running his hands over his face. "Fuck, this is the last thing I want and everything I want at the same time. How is that even possible?"

"Well, for what it's worth, from what Jubilee was saying, Bobby sounds like a really good guy," Jean said, coming to stand next to them. "So I'm not sure how this could be that bad of a thing."

"I'm not good enough for him," John muttered. "I'm just not. I wasn't then and I sure as fuck am not now."

"Johnny, you don't know that," Kitty started, but John just shook his head.

"No, Kitty, I really do. When we went back to his place the other night, it's a fucking penthouse in Manhattan and I'm barely making rent every month. We are from two entirely different worlds and we're never going to be in the same one. That was the problem then, it's going to be the problem now. If it wasn't for how goddamn motherfucking persistent that I know he is, I'd just be completely ignoring this because it's just going to bring me a lot of pain."

"Now that's bullshit," Kitty declared. "I know absolutely nothing about the two of you but if Jubes, who knows you both very, very well, says that you're perfectly suited for each other then you're perfectly suited for each other. I mean, fuck, fate itself has determined that this is the destiny that you share. If that's not enough to show you that this is meant to be, then I don't know what is."

"I'm with Kitty on this one," Jean said. "Fate thinks you two are soulmates so that's what you are. Money and status have nothing to do with that. Absolutely nothing."

"Except it has everything to do with it," John mumbled. "I know that you don't understand this, Jean, because you and Scott found each other and everything is great, but you two are on an equal playing field. Bobby and I are on different planets."

Kitty reached for John's arm and shoved his sleeve up again. "That beautiful pair of wings is red for a reason, Johnny. You need to trust that it's right."

"I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying I don't want it to be right."

"I have never heard of someone working so hard to ignore their soulmate in my life," Kitty said, throwing up her hands. "I'm going on break before I kill you."

John sighed as she walked into the back. "She doesn't understand. She hasn't had this problem yet."

"Finding your soulmate isn't a problem, John. It's an amazing thing."

John looked up when the door opened. "Trust me, Jean, it's a problem."

Jean went to protest but a group of people walked up to the counter, and John plastered a smile on his face. "Welcome to Lehnsherr's, what can I get started for you?"

By the time of John's lunch-slash-dinner break, he was about ready to kill both Kitty and Jean for their continued need to talk about his soulmate. He collapsed down in a chair inside the office and stared at the sandwich he'd ordered, not wanting to take a bite. He wanted nothing more than to wake up and realize that all of this was just a terrible nightmare and he'd be able to look down and see the pale pink lines that he'd become so familiar with. But he knew it wasn't a nightmare, knew there was no going back, and knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

There was part of him that couldn't help but think that this meant things would be how they always should have been, how they'd always dreamed of them being. _We're each other's soulmates, Johnny. I just know it._

Fuck fate, destiny, and all that bullshit.

He looked up when Erik came into the office, Charles right behind him. They were the example of what soulmates were supposed to be. They were what he'd wanted. 

They were definitely not what he'd gotten.

"So I hear it's red," Charles said, smiling at him. "That's wonderful, John."

"Thanks," John mumbled. "Wish I felt that way."

Charles gave him a confused look but John didn't elaborate, so Erik spoke up. "Apparently this has occurred on his ex's birthday."

"Fuck," Charles said lowly.

"Also, apparently his ex is Bobby Drake."

Charles's eyes widened. "What?"

John set his sandwich to the side and buried his head in his hands. "Fuck, why is this happening?"

Charles walked over and moved the sandwich before sitting down, running a comforting hand down John's back. "John, I know that this doesn't seem like a good thing, but it could be a lot worse."

"How?"

"Well, it could have been blue like Raven's, for one thing."

"I don't even know how to respond to that."

"John."

"I am so far below his league, Charles. I always have been. I mean, he's Bobby fucking Drake, for fuck's sake. And I'm just...me."

Charles wrapped his arm around John's shoulders. "You listen to me, John Allerdyce. You are good enough for anyone, whether they are someone like Bobby Drake or not. And it's not about fate deciding that you are, it's about what kind of person you are. I know you've been through a lot of shit, John, but you have come out of all of it stronger. You deserve everything in the world and you are good enough for anyone in the world. Fate has just decided that the person who has the other half of your soul is Bobby Drake."

"I appreciate what you're doing, Charles," John said, turning to look at him. "I really do. But I can't believe that."

"Why? Why won't you just believe in your own worth?"

"Because I was taught not to," John said, standing up. "I'm going to get back to work now."

"What about your sandwich?" Erik asked as John walked out the door.

"You eat it!"


	4. Chapter 4

**October 4th**

Bobby paused outside of the coffee shop, looking in through the window. "I don't see him."

"This time of night he's probably in the back helping with dishes," Jubilee said, smiling at him. "Now, listen to me, okay? He's going to be angry, but it'll be with me, not you. What I need you to do is just stay calm. He loves you, Bobby. He'll realize pretty quickly that this is a good thing."

"He's not going to let me touch him," Bobby said quickly. "He's not going to let me prove to him that I really am his soulmate."

"Of course he is, darlin'," Rogue said, tangling her gloved hand along with his. "Even if it's him tryin' to prove that all of our suspicions are wrong. We're not though."

"We might be."

"No, darlin', we're not."

"Alright, you guys go in and find a table. I'll order us some coffee," Jubilee said. "What did you get the other day, Bobby?"

"Snowcap mocha, I believe."

"Ooh, good choice. Rogue?"

"Just order me somethin' you think I'll like."

"Alright then, you're getting a whiteout. Caramel and white chocolate," Jubilee said, turning towards the door and pulling it open. "Tonight's going to be great, just remember that."

Jubilee walked up to the counter and sighed when she saw Kitty shaking her head. "What? I told him we were getting a drink tonight."

"And I'm sure you left out who was also getting a drink with you," Kitty said, making Raven look at them confused. 

"What are you talking about?" Raven asked, scanning the room with her eyes, stopping on Bobby and Rogue. "Oh."

"He's got to face this and he won't if I leave him to do it alone," Jubilee said. "And it's better to face it sooner rather than later. Besides, Bobby is really anxious to see him again. The man's been absolutely miserable without John in his life. It's time both of them have some happiness."

"I trust your judgment on that, Jubes," Raven said, walking into the back.

"I hope you're right about this because Johnny's really been struggling today," Kitty said. "It's like he's heartbroken that he's found his soulmate."

"That would not surprise me," Jubilee said. "Alright, time for some coffee before we go get drunk."

"Okay, Jubes, what do you want?"

Jubilee ordered the coffee and went to sit down with Bobby and Rogue, smiling at them. "Coffee will be out momentarily."

"This is a nice lookin' place," Rogue said, looking around the room. "Like a worn-in library."

"Yeah, I really like it. I've come here almost every day since Johnny started working here."

"When was that?"

"About a month after he disappeared," Jubilee said, drumming her fingers on the table. "And I think I'll leave him to tell the rest of the tale."

"That's fine, darlin'," Rogue said before Bobby could say anything. "I'd rather hear it from Johnny anyway."

"Well, you probably won't be getting any of that tonight," Jubilee said seriously. "He's probably going to get so drunk that we're going to have to carry him back to his place."

"We should probably make sure that doesn't happen then," Bobby said quickly. "I don't want him to spend the whole night blind drunk."

"That is a decision that you don't get to make," Jubilee said, looking up when a cup was set down in front of her. "Thank you, Kitty."

"No problem, Jubes. Introduce me?"

Jubilee smiled as Kitty set the other two cups on the table. "Kitty, this is Bobby and Rogue. Guys, this is Kitty. She's always on Johnny's shifts."

"I imagine puttin' up with Johnny is pretty difficult," Rogue said. "It was always an adventure when he was around."

"Yeah, well, he keeps me from phasing through things and I keep him from setting things on fire, so it all works out in the end," Kitty laughed before dropping her voice lower. "Look, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, but he's really having a hard time with all of this so just keep an eye on him, alright? I'm worried."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to let him do something stupid," Jubilee said. "I promise."

"Yeah, well, he's also been smoking all day, so maybe don't let him drink a lot," Kitty said, looking up when she heard Erik call out her name. "Excuse me."

"Smoking?" Bobby asked. "Since when does Johnny smoke?"

"She's not talking about a cigarette," Jubilee muttered, spinning the cup around in her hands. "Fuck."

"Weed?" Bobby asked, continuing when Jubilee nodded. "Since when?"

"Not that long after he disappeared," Jubilee said quietly. "Keeps him mellow when he's super stressed or super depressed. I suspect today it's a combination of both."

They all looked up at the sound of something shattering on the floor, and they saw John standing behind the counter, his eyes trained on where they were sitting. "You're a bitch, Jubes."

"No, I told you I wasn't letting you hide from this," Jubilee said seriously. "I meant that."

"I've got this, Johnny," Raven said, coming up next to him with a broom. "Go sit with your friends. I know Erik and Charles won't mind."

John glared at the table for a moment before spinning around and stalking into the back. Jubilee just shook her head. "Raven? Is it alright if we go back there to calm him down?"

"I'm sure that would be appreciated," Raven said as she swept. "He's most likely out on the steps to the alley."

"I'm sure that's where he is," Jubilee said, turning back to Bobby. "So go."

"Excuse me?"

"Follow the hallway to the open door at the end of it, and he'll be on the steps. Go."

"I think it might be better if you go, Jubes."

"I think Jubes is right," Rogue said, making Bobby look at her. "You're the one he wants, darlin'. Not either one of us."

"We're at a coffee shop," Bobby said seriously. 

"That's never stopped people before," Jubilee pointed out. "I'm serious, Bobby. Go."

Bobby sat there for a moment before sliding his chair back. "I am going to kill you if this doesn't work."

"It will," Jubilee said as he stood. "I still know him better than you do."

"That's probably accurate," Bobby said, running a hand through his hair. "Hallway all the way to the open door at the back, he'll be on the steps."

"That's right," Jubilee said, grinning at him. "It'll all be fine, I promise."

"Good luck, darlin'," Bobby heard Rogue say as he walked towards the counter. 

Raven smiled at him as he walked around it, and Bobby gave her a weak one in return. He made his way down the hallway and saw the open door, pausing for a moment before walking out onto the steps. 

John felt someone sit down next to him and turned to give Jubilee a piece of his mind when he noticed it was Bobby. A very nervous looking Bobby. "Hi."

"Hi," Bobby said, taking a deep breath. "I know you're not happy about this. I would be lying if I said I know why because we interrupted our conversation before we got to why you left so that we could fuck. But I just...this is what I always wanted and I used to think that this is what you wanted too. If you don't want it, that's fine. I can handle being alone for the rest of my life knowing that the other half of my soul is you."

John sat there for a moment before groaning. "Fuck, Bobby, I don't want you to spend the rest of your life alone. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone either. But this...this is just not how I pictured this going."

"I know you said the other night that I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel like I really did. Obviously, something made you leave, and I've tried for years to figure out what that was and how I could correct it if I got the chance, and so I'm here to tell you that I will do literally anything to get you back. Anything."

"It's nothing you did. I promise. You're perfect, Bobby. The best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Then why did you leave?" Bobby asked, pain evident in his voice. "Something happened, Johnny."

John said nothing, and Bobby sat there for a moment before reaching over and grabbing John's right hand. John watched as he pushed his sleeve up to show off the red wings that adorned his arm. "That is absolutely beautiful. But you know what the best part of it is? This."

Bobby pressed his thumb down on one of the lines and John immediately gasped, his body suddenly thrumming with energy and pleasure. He looked over at Bobby and could tell that Bobby felt it too, and tears sprang to his eyes. This was it. Bobby was it. And if he was honest with himself, he'd admit that he'd known that from the night they met. "Bobby."

Bobby pulled his hand away from John's arm and gave him a soft smile. "Even if fate hadn't determined that you were the one for me, I would have known it anyway. I love you, Johnny. These last two years have been motherfucking hell on earth because I wasn't by your side. And I meant what I said. If you don't want this, then I will gladly live alone until the end of my days."

John closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before deciding that he had to be honest with him. "Growing up," he started, pausing to make sure he had enough control of his emotions to continue, "I was constantly told that I was worth nothing. That I would never be good enough for anyone. My father did everything he could to make sure that I had no self-worth whatsoever. Jubes, ever since I met her, she's always trying to get me to see that there is a point to my life, that I was put here to do something. But I just, I can't. I can't see it. I've never been able to.

"And then there was you. You were perfect. We were so good together. But there was always this voice in the back of my mind telling me that it was all a lie. You couldn't possibly actually love me because there was nothing to love. You couldn't really want me to be your soulmate because who would want to be stuck with me for eternity. I tried to ignore it, tried so hard to block it out, but my father had done enough damage to make it so that I never could. It was always there and it made me doubt everything.

"I convinced myself that you were going to get bored. That you were going to leave. That I could never possibly be good enough for you, the great heir to the Drake fortune, because I was just me, this pathetic, awful, shell of a person who didn't know why they existed. So I decided that I was going to leave before I was left. But I kept putting it off and putting it off because I'd see you and everything would be right in the world. You were literally my everything. I wanted to stay so, so badly.

"Then came the day when I told my parents. I thought it would be freeing, finally being rid of all of that secrecy and doubt. I thought it would make things better. My mother, she's the one that said she could learn to be okay with having a gay son. My father didn't say a thing. Then the mutant thing completely freaked them both the fuck out, and I knew, just like I'd always thought, that this was the end. My family was going to disown me. But my father couldn't resist. He couldn't just let me go; he had to dig the knife in deeper.

"That day I was told I was worth less than a piece of garbage on the streets. That he hoped that my soulmate would be dead by the time I turned twenty-three because I deserved no one. That whoever this whore of mine was ended up finding theirs and leaving me behind. On and on and on until I was a mess again, no different than the twelve-year-old kid that Jubes had met all those years ago. That last rant from my father took everything I'd worked so hard to gain away. All of it."

"Oh, Johnny," Bobby breathed out, but John just kept talking.

"So I went back to the apartment. I'd just seen you off at the airport that morning. I'd always planned to talk to them on that particular day because I didn't want you around to see the aftermath. I wanted to be pulled back together as best as I could be by the time you saw me again. But when I got back to the apartment, everything he said was ringing around in my mind, and I just...I thought he was right. He'd always torn me down until I thought I was worth nothing, and he'd done it again. I was worthless. I was useless. And I certainly wasn't doing anything but holding you back.

"So my plan of leaving before I was left came back up. I should have called Jubes. I should have called Rogue. I should have called Piotr. Fuck, I should have called you more than anyone. Instead, I just found suitcases and filled them up with as much as I could, and then I left. My phone quit working the next day because it was still on their plan. Tuition for next semester had to be paid the following week and I knew that it wouldn't be. I spent the next month bouncing around from hostel to hostel because I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want anyone to tell me that I'd made the wrong decision, though by then I was pretty sure that I had. 

"Fuck, I missed you so much. I missed you all so much. And when I finally ran out of money and realized I needed a job, I walked in here and got one. It had been about a month. Erik and Charles, the owners, they overheard me say one day that I needed to find somewhere to live because I couldn't afford the hostel anymore and they let me live with them for a while. I got myself another phone and I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to call you. But I didn't think I could ever be forgiven, because why would you forgive me. You were probably glad to be rid of me. I think Jubes wanted to kill me when I first called her but I promised I would get back in touch with everyone when I was ready. I just...I never did. You all were better off without me."

"Johnny," Bobby tried again, but John ignored him.

"Erik and Charles, Raven, Kitty, Jean, they became my family. Jubes flat out refused to go far away from me, which is why she moved to Brooklyn once she was done with school. It wasn't because it was the best opportunity for her. I begged her not to tell anyone where I was or what I was doing, especially you, because I thought I was doing you all a favor by not being part of your lives. I don't know why she finally gave that up and sent you here the other day. Maybe she'd just finally reached the breaking point with me. But what I do know is that every bit of progress that I thought I'd made went out the window when you walked in the door. 

“You were standing right there in front of me, saying you missed me, and I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that you wanted to talk to me, I was beyond flabbergasted that you actually stayed till the end of my shift, and then that night at your apartment...I wanted that so badly but all I could think about was how much you were just humoring me. When you brought up that it was almost your birthday, I prayed to a god I don't believe in that I'd wake up that morning and my soulmark would still be pale pink. And then it was red and I've never been so elated and heartbroken in my life."

John finally looked over at Bobby. "So do you understand now? You didn't do anything. This was me, Drake. It was all me. And you can sit here right now and tell me that you love me, and my immediate response is to believe that you're lying because that's how he made me. I am so fucked up, and I am not worth your time, and I certainly am not worth half your soul. I'm not worth any of this."

Bobby reached out and pulled John into his arms, silently cursing John's father as John buried his face in his neck. "Oh, Johnny, I don't even know what to say."

"Don't."

"I have to say something to respond to that, John."

"I'm not going to believe anything you say, so just don't."

Bobby's arms tightened around him as he replayed everything that John had said in his mind. "Can I at least clarify how I ended up in here the other day?"

"It's alright, Bobby. I know she sent you."

"She didn't. I swear." When John didn't say anything, Bobby continued. "I don't know if you remember, but I've always been fascinated by businesses owned by mutants. And Rogue, she's my assistant now. Well, I'm sure there are a million things she'd really rather be doing, but she couldn't find a job and I needed an assistant, and it was a solution to both of our problems. Anyway, she's always on the lookout for new mutant-owned businesses for me to check out, and she told me about this place. It was kind of ridiculously out of my way that day, but I'd been wanting to try it, and I had a few hours to kill, so I came. I had absolutely no idea that you worked here. I had absolutely no idea where you were. Trying to get answers out of Jubes was like trying to get answers out of a brick wall. She always kept your secrets because you asked her to. I just found you, Johnny, when I wasn't even trying to."

"Really?" John asked after a minute.

"Really," Bobby said, leaning over and brushing a kiss along John's head. "Fate brought us back together, Johnny, just in time for our destiny to be revealed to us."

"Fate, destiny, and all that bullshit. I've been cursing it silently all day."

"It's not bullshit," Bobby said quietly. "You never used to think it was bullshit."

"I used to wait for this day, you know. Pray that by the time your twenty-third birthday rolled around that my soulmark would still be pale pink and that we'd wake up together that morning to find yours and that they both were red. I wanted this just as badly as you did. And now we have it and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it."

"Well, maybe we should figure that out then."

"Not right now," John said, pulling back to look at him. "Bobby, I just...not right now."

"Okay," Bobby said softly, reaching up to tuck some hair behind John's ear. "We'll do it when you're ready. What do you want to do tonight?"

"Go have a drink with the girls," John said, running his hands over his face. "And then maybe we make sure we're the last two standing."

"Are you saying you want to go home with me, John Allerdyce?" Bobby asked teasingly.

John laughed. "Perhaps, Drake. Just perhaps. I've always heard that fucking your soulmate is incredible. I'd like to know what that feels like. Besides, before the other night, I hadn't had sex in two years. So it's kind of necessary that we fuck again soon."

"I hadn't either," Bobby said, smiling at him. "So how about we alter this plan of yours? Skip out on the drinks and just go back to my place. Or your place. Whichever."

"Mine is closer," John said. "Yours is much better."

"It's entirely up to you."

"I kind of don't want you to see how I live after seeing how you live."

"I'm not going to care, Johnny," Bobby said softly.

"You might not, but I will," John said, standing up. "Alright, let's go brush off the girls and get on a train to Manhattan."

"John," Bobby said, standing up as well. "Before we do that, can I please just say one thing?"

John sighed heavily. "If you must."

"Well, first, can I kiss you?"

"We're going to go fuck and you're asking if you can kiss me?"

Bobby just rolled his eyes and pulled John into a deep kiss. "I love you, and I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I will do whatever I have to do to make you realize that you're good enough for me. Whatever it takes. You are so much better than I thought I was going to get. So, so much better. If anything, I'm the one who is not good enough for you, not the other way around."

John stood there blinking for a moment, and Bobby squeezed his hand. "Now, shall we? I'm sure the girls are wondering what's going on out here."

Before John could say anything, Kitty poked her head out the door. "Um, two things. One, I clocked you out because it's past one, and two, Jubes and your friend left."

John couldn't help laughing. "Of course they did. Thanks, Kitty. See you Monday."

Kitty smiled and ducked back inside, so John turned his attention to Bobby. "Why do I feel like this was always the plan?"

"Because it was probably always the plan," Bobby said. "So, my place?"

John nodded. "Lead on, Drake."


	5. Chapter 5

**October 7th**

"Uh, Bobby?"

Bobby looked up from his desk to see Rogue in the doorway of his office. "I thought you were supposed to be grocery shopping for me."

"I was gonna do that, but then my phone rang and this became more important," Rogue said, walking into the room. "Ronny wants to see you. He's curious about your soulmark."

Bobby groaned and dropped his head down to his desk. "Fuck."

"He'll be here any minute."

Bobby's head shot up. "What?"

"He called me from the taxi," Rogue said, giving Bobby a pleading look. "I tried to get him to go to his apartment first but he said he wants to see your soulmark before he does anythin'. He's mad that it's been three days and he hasn't even seen a photo of it." 

Bobby sat there for a moment before sighing heavily. "What the fuck am I supposed to do? He's going to ask if I've found the person now that I know there's a soulmate and I don't want to lie to him."

"Then don't."

Bobby just shook his head. "I can't tell him about John. I just can't."

"You're gonna have to at some point, darlin'," Rogue said, sitting down in front of his desk. "And I don't see how this ain't a good time to do it."

"You know why it isn't."

Rogue sighed heavily. "Bobby, I love ya, I really do, but you need to realize that at some point you're gonna have to let your family know that you're in love with Johnny. Especially now that you're soulmates."

"Does that mean that you've found her then?" came Ronny's voice, and Bobby felt all the blood drain from his face. 

"Ronny. Wonderful to see you," he forced himself to say, standing up and walking over to him. 

Ronny gave him a big hug before turning to Rogue. "Rogue, it's nice to see you."

"Nice to see ya too, Ronny," Rogue said, standing up. "I'm gonna leave you two to chat. You need anythin', Bobby, I'll be out here with your secretary."

Rogue disappeared out the door before Bobby could say another word, and he swallowed hard before forcing a smile onto his face. "You didn't exactly tell me you were coming, Ronny. I'm a little unprepared for it."

"How can you be unprepared to see your brother?" Ronny asked, shaking his head. "Now, come on. The end of that conversation made it sound like you'd already found your soulmate."

Bobby took a deep breath. "Yes, I have."

"Awesome, brother. Like, I'm so happy for you, you have no idea. Please tell me that soulmark is red though. I'm going to be heartbroken for you if it's blue."

"No, it's red," Bobby said, surprising himself with how steady his voice was. "And I'll show you a picture, but I can't show you it in person right now."

Ronny frowned. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to take my shirt off in the middle of the office, that's why," Bobby said.

Ronny nodded. "I get it. Is it one of the elaborate ones?"

"Yes," Bobby said, unable to keep the smile off his face. "And it's fucking gorgeous."

"Well, I cannot wait to see it and to hear plans about the bonding ceremony," Ronny said, sitting down. "What's her name?"

Bobby walked around to his side of the desk and sat down, forcing himself to take several deep breaths before answering. "His name is John."

Ronny sat there with wide eyes for a moment. "His name is John?"

Bobby forced himself to nod. "I know it's going to be a surprise to everyone but..."

"You knew it was going to be a man the whole time, didn't you?" Ronny said after a minute. "And you wanted it to be."

"Yes," Bobby breathed out. "I've known I prefer the company of men for a very long time."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I didn't think anyone would react in a favorable manner," Bobby said softly. "And I will completely understand if that happens now too."

"Bobby," Ronny started. "That's such bullshit."

"No, it's really not. You've heard the things Dad has said."

"Yeah, I have," Ronny agreed. "But I don't think he'll feel that way about his own son."

"Well, you and I differ on that opinion."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was afraid you'd feel the same way I think they're going to."

Ronny sighed heavily. "Do you really know me that little? There's no fucking way I'm going to freak out about this. Instead, I'm going to want to meet him."

"You can meet him eventually," Bobby said. "We've only just found each other again, and there's a whole lot going on that needs to be resolved before I want to subject him to my family."

"Found each other again?"

Bobby ran his hands over his face. "Do you remember how I told you I was in a serious relationship in college that ended badly? It was with John."

"And now you're each other's soulmate? That has to be awkward."

"I'm not sure it's actually awkward," Bobby said. "More like there's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with this and it's been difficult to figure out so far. But, like, we've only been back in each other's lives for six days. There hasn't really been a lot of time to have the conversations that need to be had."

"Because all you've been doing is fucking."

Bobby blushed a bright red. "Ronny!"

Ronny just rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Bobby. It's a logical conclusion and you can't have expected me to hear about this serious relationship that you once had and think that you two never fucked."

Bobby took a deep breath. "I know you're right, but I just have this thing about people knowing I like having sex with men. It freaks me the fuck out to think about the world knowing that. Ask Rogue if you don't believe me. She tells me all the time it'll be fine but I'm just convinced that it won't be."

Ronny shook his head. "Bobby, the world got over the fact that some people are gay a very long time ago when soulmates with red soulmarks started to be same-sex couples. Like, hundreds of years ago."

"I know that you're right. I do. It's just an irrational fear."

"How much work do you have left to do today?"

"Hang on a second," Bobby said, reaching for the intercom on his desk and pressing a button. "Yuriko, can you send Rogue in here please?"

"Of course, Mr. Drake."

Rogue came walking into the office a moment later. "You need somethin', Bobby?"

"What's the rest of my day look like?" Bobby asked.

"You don't have anythin' until your scheduled trip to go pick up Johnny. And I would suggest not bringin' Ronny along for that."

"Don't worry, it's going to be a while before Ronny meets him," Bobby said, closing the lid of his laptop and standing up. "I'm taking the rest of the day off."

"Then I will go do the grocery shoppin' that I was supposed to be doin' right now," Rogue said, smiling at the brothers. "You two don't get into any trouble, alright? I ain't in the mood for bailin' anyone out of jail."

"Don't worry about that. We're just going to go to a restaurant and have some lunch. Unless you've already eaten, Ronny."

"No, and I was going to suggest lunch so this is perfect."

"Well, if ya need me to call ahead and get you a reservation somewhere, let me know," Rogue said, heading for the door. "But then again, you're motherfuckin' Bobby Drake. They'll seat you immediately if you show up anywhere."

Bobby laughed. "I think you're probably right about that, Rogue."

Once she was out of the office, Bobby grabbed his messenger bag and slid his laptop into it, grabbing a few more things before slinging the strap across his body. "Ready?"

"Yep," Ronny said, following Bobby out of the office and into the elevator. "Please tell me we're not taking the trains."

"You're in luck because I happened to drive today," Bobby said, walking out of the elevator into the underground parking. "Got a brand new Aston Martin and figured I should start using it."

Ronny let out a slow whistle as they approached the car. "This is gorgeous. I've got to get one of these."

"I'll let you drive it later," Bobby said as he climbed into the driver's seat. "Now pick a restaurant."

Ronny rattled off a place in downtown Manhattan and soon Bobby was pulling out of the parking garage and heading in that direction. They were silent for the first few minutes, but then Bobby just had to speak. "You really don't care about the fact that my soulmate is a man?"

"I really don't care," Ronny said, looking over at him. "And Mom and Dad are dicks if they have a problem with this."

"I just...the Church spews so much hate about people that end up in same-sex soulbonds and it makes me twitchy and uncomfortable. There's a growing section of the population that are starting to have serious problems about this and I'm just concerned about how I'll fall into that divide."

"You want some advice?"

"Yes."

"Don't give a fuck. If someone has a problem with who you are, then they aren't worth your time. Besides, your soulmate is your soulmate. There's not really a lot that can be done about that. That is all fate's work."

"I really hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm me."

Bobby laughed and reached over to shove him. "Fuck off, Ronny."

"You love me and you know it."

"Yes, I do," Bobby said, taking a deep breath.

"So tell me about him."

"I don't really know where to begin," Bobby admitted. "John and I have quite the history."

"How about you start with why you split? I mean, that's what you made it sound like."

"That is really complicated and I'd rather not go into it," Bobby sighed. "At least not yet."

"Then tell me about how you met then."

Bobby nodded. "You've met Jubes, right?"

"Jubilee? Yes, I have," Ronny said, smiling. "She's quite the character."

"You've got that right," Bobby murmured. "Anyway, she's the one who introduced us, the first week of my freshman year at NYU. That was the night I met most of my circle of friends, actually. I met Rogue that night too, and it wasn't long before I brought Piotr into the group too. The five of us were an extremely tight-knit group of friends while we were in college."

"I don't care about your friends at the moment," Ronny pointed out. "Get to the stuff about John."

"Fine. Jubes introduced us that night and it was immediately like we'd known each other for our whole lives. That's got to be the soulmates thing. We quickly established that we were both gay and so it was decided over a couple of beers that we'd go on a date. He noticed the black label on my credit card when I went to pay for everyone's drinks, and I had to tell him that yes, I'm one of those Drakes. I thought it would scare him away. It didn't."

"That's good because I know what it's like to have people sort of run away in terror once they learn who I really am."

"I know, right? So many people are terrified of our last name. Anyway, he wasn't. We didn't have a very lengthy conversation about it that night because we were both pretty drunk, but we had enough of one to establish who I was and that yes, I'm stupidly rich. I know I should have been worried that he'd take advantage of me but I just wasn't. I think that's the soulmates thing too. We ended up on a date two days after that, and then it just kept going from there. I'm so motherfucking in love with him that I can't even begin to express how much."

"I'm happy for you," Ronny said. "I really am. I'm sorry that you went through whatever happened to split you up, but I'm so glad that you found each other again."

"Me too, because I've got to tell you, life really sucked without him."

"Did you always know that he was your soulmate or was this a surprise?"

"I'd always wanted him to be," Bobby said softly. "I'd always told him that we were each other's soulmates. It was the only explanation I had for how motherfucking in love we were. But then something happened and he disappeared, and I only found him again six days ago. It had been nearly two years since I'd seen him."

"Now I'm even more intrigued about this split. You sure you don't want to tell me about it?"

"Someday," Bobby promised. "But not today. I'm not even sure I completely understand it still."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"I know you are," Bobby said. "Now enough about me. Tell me about how things are going."

They fell into an easy conversation after that, continuing it when they were inside the restaurant and then back inside the car after they were done with lunch. They headed to Ronny's apartment after they were done, and Bobby left him there with a promise of dinner the following night. He headed back to his penthouse and found Rogue in his kitchen, putting away groceries. 

"Hi, darlin'. How was lunch?"

"It was good," Bobby said, taking a deep breath. "I told him about John."

Rogue poked her head back out of the refrigerator. "And?"

"And he's fine with it."

"Told ya," Rogue said, reaching for another bag. "I honestly don't know why you worry so much about this."

"I've told you. The number of people that have issues with same-sex soulmates is growing. I don't want to know what's going to happen to me or John when they find out I have one."

"Ain't nothin' gonna happen to nobody," Rogue said firmly, closing the refrigerator and opening up the freezer. "You're worried about this for nothin'."

"I really hope you're right about that."

"I am right about that," Rogue said, shaking her head. "You had me buy some really strange things, Bobby. And you don't cook so I'm very confused because I don't know what I'm supposed to be doin' with this stuff."

"I didn't have you get it for you to cook," Bobby said.

"As I said, you don't cook, so if I'm not gonna be the one cookin' this, then who is?"

"Johnny," Bobby said, making her look over at him. "He said he wants to cook dinner when he comes over, and I asked him for a list of things he'd want in the house so that he could. He gave me the list that I gave you."

Rogue smiled. "He wants to cook for you."

"Yep."

"He used to cook for you all the time," Rogue said. "He used to cook for all of us all the time."

"I'm hoping that once things get a little more settled he'll be open to a dinner party with everyone," Bobby said, sitting down on one of the stools at the island. "But for now, I'm taking the fact that he wants to cook for me as a good sign."

"I think that's a good sign too, darlin'." Rogue crumpled up the last bag and put it into the recycling bin. "I'm sure Jubes and Piotr will too."

"Piotr's not happy about all of this."

"Piotr hasn't been happy about much of anythin' lately," Rogue pointed out. "He's gettin' more depressed by the day about the fact that his soulmark hasn't turned color yet. I keep tryin' to remind him that it just means his soulmate hasn't turned twenty-three yet, but he ain't listenin' to me."

"Maybe that's something he and Johnny can connect on because I know Johnny struggled with that for a long time after his soulmark appeared."

"That would be nice," Rogue said, smiling at him. "Gotta tell ya, Bobby, I'm pretty nervous about mine."

"Why?"

"Well, how am I ever supposed to know that I've found my soulmate? I can't press down on their mark without maybe killin' 'em, and they can't press down on mine without me maybe killin' 'em then either. I almost wish that I don't get one."

"You're going to get one, Rogue," Bobby said, reaching out and taking one of her gloved hands. "And you'll find your soulmate. Your mutation doesn't mean that you can't touch each other for a brief moment."

"I know you're right, but I just...everyone's talkin' about how amazing kissin' or fuckin' your soulmate is, and I ain't ever gonna get to experience that."

"You'll figure out a way to experience the feeling," Bobby said softly. "And your soulmate will understand. Fate's not going to match you up with someone who can't deal with your mutation."

"I hope not," Rogue said, looking down at her phone. "I've gotta go. Jubes is takin' me shoppin' at this new place in Queens that sells real long dresses and has gloves like I need to wear. I'm about to go spend a lotta money I'm not sure that I have."

Bobby just shook his head. "Open up an account at that store and bill everything to me."

"Bobby, ya don't have to do that."

"You put up with me," Bobby said, smiling at her. "You deserve gifts like this because of it."

"Thanks, darlin'," Rogue said, walking around the island and brushing a kiss along Bobby's hair. "Enjoy your time with Johnny tonight. Let me know what he cooks ya. I wonder if he's picked up anythin' new since the last time he cooked for any of us."

"Something tells me he probably has and I can't wait to try it."


	6. Chapter 6

**October 9th**

"Hey, John?" Alex said, walking into the office. "Sorry to interrupt your break but there's a guy up here asking for you."

"It's fine," John said, setting his sandwich to the side and standing up. "Thanks for covering for me yesterday, by the way. It was kind of a long night the night before."

Alex laughed as they walked towards the front. "It's fine, John. I got extra hours and you got laid, so it was all worth it."

John rolled his eyes as they walked out front, his eyes immediately falling on the man standing there. "Fuck."

"Good to see you too, John."

"Piotr," John said, taking a deep breath. "How are you?"

"Fine," Piotr said, his voice cold. "I want to talk to you alone."

"Of course," John said. "How about you come back here? Alex and Darwin can handle things for a bit, right?"

"Sure," Darwin said, eyeing Piotr warily. "We've got this."

"Things are fine, guys," John said as Piotr walked around the counter. "Just get back to work."

John led Piotr down the hallway and out into the alley before anyone could say another word. He swallowed hard before trying to smile. "It's good to see you."

"I'm going to say this and then leave because I am not prepared to welcome you back into my life yet," Piotr said, crossing his arms over his chest. "He'll never tell you this. Ever. But I think you deserve to know what you did to him when you left."

John forced himself to nod. "Jubes said it was pretty bad."

"It was beyond that," Piotr said, pausing. "The girls don't know about this and I'd like it to stay that way."

"I won't say anything. I promise."

"I caught him with sleeping pills. An entire bottle of sleeping pills. And I think you can understand from that what I'm trying to tell you."

John stood there as his heart sank. "He was going to kill himself?"

"He told me there was no point to life without you in it. So I am going to say this once. If you destroy him again, I will track you down and personally escort you to the gates of hell. I don't give a fuck about the fact that you two are soulmates. You were soulmates before too and that didn't stop you. Am I making myself clear?"

John forced himself to nod. "Message received."

"He may love you, John, but I don't trust you anymore," Piotr said before walking back into the building, leaving John standing on the alley steps. 

John dropped down to them after a moment, his mind racing. Bobby Drake was going to kill himself over John and John definitely wasn't worth that. But these thoughts weren't entirely about John's lack of self-worth. They were about how much Bobby thought he _was_ worth. He thought John was worth enough to not want to live without him. 

Maybe Bobby really did love him. John couldn't come up with any other explanation for it.

"John? You alright?"

John focused his eyes enough to realize that Erik was now sitting next to him. "Sorry. Didn't know you were there."

"I could tell," Erik said, peering at him with some concern. "Alex and Darwin told me that you just had a visitor and that he was scary looking. I wanted to make sure everything was fine."

"It's fine," John said, his voice hollow. "Piotr's an old friend. I can understand why he comes across as scary though. He's very tall and his skin can turn into metal. It's intimidating."

"How do you know him?" Erik asked, leaning back against the steps. 

"Through Bobby," John said, running a hand through his hair. "Piotr was Bobby's friend. Bobby sort of brought him into our circle of friends. He's great, really."

"Which is why he threatened you." John looked over at him and Erik just shrugged. "It was a guess. You look terrible at the moment."

"He told me what Bobby was like after I left," John said quietly. "And I'm not going to go into specifics because that should stay between us, but it was bad, Erik. Really, really bad."

"And so you now feel awful about it."

"I feel incredibly guilty about it, that's for sure." John shifted around until he was laying back against the steps as well. "I just...I never knew that someone could think I was worth that much."

"You're worth everything, John," Erik said softly. "I really hope that this rekindled relationship helps you realize that."

"I wouldn't exactly call what is happening a rekindled relationship. He only walked back into my life a week ago."

"But you're soulmates."

John let his fingers dance along the red wings adorning his arm. "Yes, we are."

"Then you're in a relationship."

"It's kind of not that simple, Erik."

"It should be," Erik said, smiling. "I remember the day Charles and I found each other so clearly. We literally ran into each other on the street and in an attempt to stop him from falling down, I reached out and grabbed his hand."

John gave Erik a genuine smile. "And Charles's soulmark is on his hand."

"Precisely. We were literal strangers who found each other by fluke. From that moment on, it was about learning who each other was and how to figure out a way to fit our lives into one together. I mean, Peter was two-years-old and there was a lot to figure out. But it was a relationship. From that moment on that sidewalk, we've been in a relationship."

"You two didn't have the history that Bobby and I have."

"No, we didn't. That means that our relationship was harder. You two already know that you're compatible in every way."

"I wish I could say I agree with that."

"Which means?"

John sighed. "We used to be good together. We really did but I don't know if that'll still be the case. A lot has changed."

"Yes, but things like compatibility don't change," Erik said. "Especially if you're soulmates. It's no wonder that you're perfectly suited to each other."

"So you were never perfectly suited to anyone but Charles?"

"Nope. Peter's mother and I were with each other for comfort until we found our soulmates. Both of our soulmarks were red. I just found mine first." Erik looked over at John and smiled. "Look, having a soulmate is an incredible thing, John. Even if it's nothing more than friendship. Raven has been so happy since she found Hank, despite the fact that their connection will never turn romantic. You will realize someday that you're happy about this and that you love him."

"I already know I love him," John pointed out. "I'm just not good enough for him."

"You're good enough, John," Erik said, standing when he heard someone call out his name inside. "Come on, get back to work."

John nodded and followed Erik back into the building, stopping to take a deep breath before heading out front and positioning himself in front of the cash register. "Welcome to Lehnsherr's, what can I get started for you?"

By the time that Bobby walked in the door hours later, John had retreated in on himself. Jean gave Bobby a smile as he approached the counter, but John was working like a robot. "Welcome to Lehnsherr's, what can I get started for you?"

"Johnny?" Bobby asked, his eyes concerned. "It's me. You don't have to say that to me. We've already talked about that, remember?"

John blinked and Bobby came into view. "Sorry. It's just been a really long day."

"It's fine," Bobby said, smiling at him. "Shall we go home?"

John wanted to argue that Bobby's penthouse was not home, but instead, he nodded, walking into the back to clock out. Erik was in the office when he walked in, and he watched as John mechanically went through the motions of clocking out. 

"John," Erik said as John grabbed his coat, "remember that you're worth something and Bobby loves you because of it."

"I'll try," John said hoarsely.

Bobby was standing there sipping at a cup of coffee when John walked out of the back. "Ready, Johnny?"

John just nodded. "As I'll ever be."

Bobby frowned but John just headed towards the door. Bobby caught up with him and reached for his hand, but John moved it out of his reach. "I am not getting the shit kicked out of us on our way back to your place, so don't."

"That won't happen."

"I've seen it fucking happen before, Bobby. Now leave me alone."

Bobby stared at him for a moment. "Have I done something wrong, Johnny?"

"No."

"You realize that's hard to believe right? Because you seem mad at me."

"I'm not," John said, shaking his head. "Just, let me be, okay?"

Bobby nodded and the rest of the journey to the penthouse was in silence. Once they were inside, Bobby turned to John again. "Will you please tell me why you're mad at me?"

"I told you, I'm not," John said, walking into the kitchen. "I'm going to make dinner."

John had taken to cooking for them because it was familiar and served a purpose. He'd always cooked for them in the past, something that he had done out of love and the desire to prove that he was useful. He'd be lying if he said that wasn't why he was doing it now too. If he was useful, then he would be worth keeping around. Worth something.

John was halfway through sauteing vegetables when the pan caught on fire. But he didn't immediately take control of it and put it out, just stood there staring at it. After a few moments, the pan before him froze and a very concerned Bobby approached him. "What is going on?" Bobby said seriously. "Something is wrong."

"You just ruined dinner," John said, refusing to look over at him. 

"I couldn't give a fuck about dinner. What is wrong?" John didn't say anything and Bobby became exasperated. "Fucking tell me, John, or get the fuck out."

"You were going to kill yourself," came out of John's mouth before he could stop it, and Bobby sighed next to him.

"Piotr?" Bobby asked, continuing when John nodded. "I should have been the one to tell you that."

"He said you never would."

"Not this close to finding you again. Not when I know how you feel about yourself and our relationship," Bobby said. "But I would have told you eventually. You deserved to know."

"Why?" John asked quietly. "Why would you have done that?"

"Because I didn't want to live without you."

"I'm not worth that."

"You're worth everything. Absolutely everything."

"You really loved me that much?"

"Love you," Bobby corrected. "I love you that much."

"I, um," John started before stopping. "I thought about it. Jubes talked me back from the ledge more than once. She doesn't know that though. She just thinks it was panic attacks."

Bobby stood there for a moment. "I sought out therapy after Piotr snapped me out of that state. It really helped. Did you?"

John laughed hollowly. "You think I have money for a therapist? Kitty is training to be one. She tries out techniques on me and that's as close as I'm going to get."

"I'll pay for it."

"No."

"Johnny, I think it could really help you," Bobby said. "Your thoughts about your self-worth are not something Kitty can work on in between customers."

"I don't want you to flaunt your wealth like that."

"It's not. It's getting you the help you need. I said I'd do anything to help you, Johnny. I meant that," Bobby said seriously. "Besides, as far as I'm concerned, it's our wealth, not mine."

John finally looked over at him at that. "Excuse me?"

"What's mine is yours," Bobby said softly. "I've felt that way for a very long time. I was actually going to tell you that when I got back from Boston. I was going to say that I was ready to tell my parents that you were more than just my roommate. And I wanted you to know that you were someone that I wanted in all parts of my life, including that, for the rest of it. I knew it was probably going to cause an argument because my money always caused arguments, but I was serious about it then and I'm serious about it now."

John swallowed hard. "Bobby, you are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. And you haven't even gotten all of your trust funds yet."

"It's, um, it's over a billion now," Bobby said sheepishly.

John's eyes widened. "What?"

"My grandfather left me a very large lump sum when he died, so I have that on top of the trust funds, and so now it's over a billion."

John started laughing. "You're not stupidly, obscenely rich. No, not at all."

"I have never lied to you about that. I've been honest and upfront with you about it since the day we met."

"Yeah, you and your fancy black label credit card buying everyone's drinks that night. I'll never forget that discussion and I was pretty drunk when that happened."

Bobby smiled at the memory. "We made out underneath that tree outside your dorm after that."

"That's the night, you know," John said quietly. "The night when I knew you could be it. I'd never felt a connection like that with anyone, whether I'd known them my whole life or just met them like it was with you. I just didn't think you'd give me the time of day. I still don't know why you did."

"I did it because I felt the same thing. The same connection. I did it because you're the most amazing man I've ever met. I was worried the whole Drake thing would put you off. You wouldn't have been the first that had happened with."

"I'm surprised you didn't worry about me taking advantage of you."

"I somehow knew that you wouldn't. Probably the soulmates thing."

"Bobby, I love you and I'm so glad that you're my soulmate," John said softly. "I really am. I know it hasn't seemed like that, but it's the truth. But I'm also very much not ready to be told that you consider a billion dollars to also be mine, okay? I know that we'll have to get there someday, but it's not going to be today."

"Okay. That's fine."

"Really?"

Bobby reached out and pulled John into his arms. "I told you that I wouldn't try to force things. Just the fact that you're here is enough for me. And if we never get beyond this, that's fine."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is," Bobby said firmly. "I just want you, Johnny. If this is how I get to have you, then I am more than happy about that. I love you so much. Just having you here next to me after all this time apart is enough."

John buried his face in Bobby's neck for a few moments before pulling back. "Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"I will let you pay for a therapist," John said. "I want to be able to listen to you say that you love me, that you want me here, and believe it."

Bobby grinned at him. "Then tomorrow we will work on finding you a therapist."

John just nodded before turning back to the frozen pan. "So, dinner's ruined."

"Takeout or going out?"

"Takeout."

"Chinese? Thai? Indian?"

"Chinese."

"Perfect. Go sit down. I'll order it and it'll be here soon."

"Let me pay for it."

"Johnny, that's not necessary."

"It's my fault that dinner is ruined, and I told you, I'm not ready for the money."

Bobby stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Okay. You can pay for dinner."

"No argument?"

"No argument."

John gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you."

Bobby leaned in and kissed him. "I'll get the food ordered. You decide on the movie and I'll join you in a moment."

"Okay," John said, letting Bobby pull him into another kiss. "I can do that."


	7. Chapter 7

**October 10th**

"So, I'll call Rogue and get her working on a list of potential therapists, and then we can go through it tonight after I pick you up from work," Bobby said as they took the elevator down to the ground floor.

John just shook his head. "No."

Bobby looked over at John in confusion. "What?"

"I said no."

"Johnny, you said that you were willing to do this," Bobby pointed out. "And I'm holding you to that."

John sighed heavily. "I'm not trying to get out of going to a therapist, Drake. I'm trying to get you to not waste Rogue's time."

"It wouldn't be wasting Rogue's time. This is exactly the kind of stuff I pay her to do."

"I can find my own therapist. In fact, I have someone in mind."

Bobby looked at him skeptically. "You expect me to actually believe that?"

John just rolled his eyes. "Yes. Storm."

"Storm."

"Yes. That's her name."

"So what's her real name?"

"I believe that mutant names are our real names, Iceman. But her name is Dr. Ororo Munroe," John said calmly. "She's a patron of the shop. She comes in every morning and orders an avalanche before work and she comes in every evening and orders a ski slope on her way home."

"Wait, what's a ski slope? I don't remember seeing that on the menu."

"That's because it isn't. A ski slope is a special combination of teas and lemonade. It's very soothing. Good for if you don't feel good," John said. "Anyway, she comes in a lot and so I see her a lot. She's always talking to Kitty about how her classes are going and, in fact, a couple of weeks ago she was talking to her about coming to work for her once Kitty finishes school in a couple of months. Kitty's all excited about it. She had been worried about finding a job."

"That's great, Johnny, but so Storm is a therapist?"

John shook his head. "She's a psychologist. And she knows me and she knows I don't have the greatest opinion of myself, and she has said in the past that she would be more than willing to help me should I ever make the choice to do so. Therefore, I want to see Storm."

"I want you to have the best help there is, Johnny," Bobby said after a moment, continuing before John could interrupt him. "I know that doesn't necessarily mean the best help that money can buy. And if doing this with Storm makes you more comfortable than doing this with some stranger would, then I am fully supportive of you seeing Storm."

"Thank you," John breathed out as the elevator came to a stop. "You're being so much more supportive this time around."

Bobby gave John a strange look but John didn't say anything else as they walked towards Bobby's car. Once they were inside, Bobby turned to him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"What is what supposed to mean?"

"I'm being more supportive this time around. What is that supposed to mean?"

John sighed and reached for his seat belt. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Yes, you should have," Bobby said seriously. "I am not driving us anywhere until you tell me what that is supposed to mean."

"If you don't start driving then I am getting out of the car and heading to the nearest station. I need to be at work on time. I don't work whenever I feel like it like you do."

"Johnny."

"Bobby."

"Please tell me what that is supposed to mean."

John closed his eyes and let his head lean back against the seat. "Fine. But only if you start driving. If we're just going to sit here, I'm not going to say a thing."

"Fine," Bobby said, sticking the key into the ignition and starting the car. "Talk."

John didn't say anything until Bobby had pulled out of the underground garage and turned onto the street. "It's really as simple as I said it. You're being more supportive this time around."

"Which implies that I wasn't supportive before. So what does that mean?"

John took a deep breath. "You always had an opinion about everything I did and they weren't always in a very supportive manner. I'd tell you what classes I was thinking of taking for electives and you'd tell me not to waste my time. I'd mention that I was thinking of doing an internship somewhere and you'd tell me they were pointless. I'd want to pick up a second job for some extra money and you would tell me that was completely unnecessary. And on, and on, and on. So this time, you're being more supportive and I cannot even begin to describe to you how nice that is."

Bobby drove for a few blocks before speaking again. "I was a really bad boyfriend, wasn't I?"

"No, Bobby," John sighed.

"I had to have been if I was doing that," Bobby said firmly. "I never meant to do any of that to you. I hope you realize that."

"I don't realize anything."

"Johnny, I just wanted to make your life easier. I thought I was helping when I gave you my opinions on things."

"And what you didn't understand was that I didn't want you to make my life easier. I wanted you to support me in the choices I was making," John said seriously. "This is why we always fought about your money, Drake. You throw money at every potential problem there is. When I wanted a second job, you just offered to give me some money instead. When I wanted to do the internship, you told me that wasn't necessary because you would just get me a job working in your office after we graduated. When I wanted to take classes that didn't fit into your schedule, you'd complain about how you couldn't take me out for all those fancy dinners you used to love for us to do because that class was a seven p.m. start. And that's just a few examples, Bobby. You did that over and over and over."

"I was a terrible boyfriend," Bobby murmured. "An absolutely horrible boyfriend. No wonder you left me."

"You are so completely missing the point."

"And what is that?"

"You're not throwing money at everything right now," John said softly. "Yes, you're going to pay for the therapy and I appreciate that, but you're not trying to buy my affections back. You let me pay for dinner last night. You let me turn down your offer to pay my rent every month. Stuff like that. You might consider your wealth to be mine as well, but you're not forcing the fact that you have it down my throat. Not really."

Bobby brought the car to a stop as traffic backed up and he looked over at John. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you felt that way."

"You had no idea about a lot of things," John said. "And I often felt like I wasn't given a chance to express my own opinion, especially when it came to things like these examples I gave you because it would always lead back to money, and you won every argument we ever had because of it. And if I wasn't good enough to win a fucking argument, then what the fuck was I good for?"

"Everything," Bobby said. "You are good for everything."

"I wish I could believe that," John whispered. "I really, really do."

"I'll have Rogue look up Storm's phone number and get you an appointment," Bobby said, reaching over to squeeze John's hand before having to start driving again. "One as soon as possible."

John just nodded. "I'll mention it to her when she comes in tonight, so text me the time and date. I'll need to make sure I'm not working that shift."

"I'll make sure that happens," Bobby said, taking a deep breath. "And I really am sorry."

"It doesn't matter anymore, Bobby. Don't worry about it."

"Except it does matter. I obviously was not the boyfriend I thought I was and I hurt you because of it. I never wanted to hurt you, Johnny. I don't want to hurt you now either."

"I honestly think the problem is that you're motherfucking Bobby Drake," John said after a moment. "You've had everything your way since you were born because you are the great heir to the centuries-old Drake fortune. You have been groomed to take over that company from the moment of your birth and you know it. Not even Ronny got away with the shit that you got away with. And when you don't get your way, you don't react well and you argue and whine and complain until someone gives in and lets you have it. Quite frankly, you're a fucking spoiled brat."

"I know I was," Bobby sighed. "My therapist made that very clear to me when I first started going to him. And it took a lot of soul searching and hard work to become someone other than that. I'd like to think that I've succeeded. Maybe I haven't. Other people are going to have to be the judge of that."

John looked over at him as Bobby turned a corner. "You really worked on that in therapy?"

"I did."

"Maybe that explains why you're being more supportive this time around."

"Maybe. I'm furious with myself at the moment though."

John's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Why?" Bobby let out a sarcastic laugh. "It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that at times I treated you like absolute shit and that I only helped to make what your father did to you worse. And fuck, that is the last thing in the fucking world that I ever wanted to do, whether I knew about your father's emotional abuse or not! It sounds like at times I was no better than he was and I cannot even begin to apologize enough for that."

"Bobby, don't do this to yourself."

"You don't get to decide that."

"See, this is why I should have never said that. This is why I never say anything."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you have taken something that was supposed to be a compliment and turned it into self-torture," John said seriously. "I'm so motherfucking happy that you're being supportive of me and how I need this to go, and now you've gone and turned this into this fucking tear down of yourself, and all that makes me do is wish that I had never said anything at all, which is how I used to feel whenever we'd have an argument about anything. So fucking knock it off."

Bobby sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. "I'm sorry. I just...I'm sorry."

John reached over and put a hand on Bobby's knee. "Apology accepted. Now move on."

Bobby nodded and they drove in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. "Ronny really wants to meet you."

"He does?"

"Of course he does. You're my soulmate," Bobby said, smiling at him. "I have told him about our past relationship and he finally got it out of me that you were the roommate that I wouldn't let anyone meet, so he really wants to meet you. I told him that it might be a long time before that happens because there's a lot of stuff for us to work out, but he keeps mentioning it."

"Does he know about the end of our relationship?"

"Just that we split for a while and have recently found one another again. That's it. He doesn't know anything about why or about why what's happening now is happening the way it is."

"Good," John said softly. "And I'll meet him."

"What?" Bobby asked, glancing over at him. 

"Your family is part of all this, right? And he's obviously made it clear that the fact that your soulmate is another man isn't an issue, so if he's going to be cool with me then I'm going to be willing to meet him."

"You're serious?"

"I'm serious," John said. "It would be nice to be part of a family again. To have a brother for the first time. Hell, to have a sibling for the first time. Being an only child really kind of sucked."

"I thought the crew at the shop was your family."

"They are, but they're family in a different way," John pointed out. "You and I have a connection that I can never have with any of them, and because of that, your family means something different to me than they do. They are never going to stop being my family. They are always going to be a part of my life, whether I'm still working at Lehnsherr's or not."

"You don't think you're going to keep working at the shop?"

"I think I'm going to work at the shop for as long as I can, but you and I both know that working there isn't going to be a viable option after a while."

"Meaning?"

John just rolled his eyes. "Meaning I am not commuting from fucking Manhattan to Gravesend for work every day. It already takes you over an hour to drive me to the shop and I highly doubt you want me to live in Brooklyn for the rest of our lives."

A smile spread across Bobby's face. "So you're going to move in with me."

"Someday," John stressed. "Not any time soon. But fuck, the choice of your penthouse or my shithole is really a pretty easy one."

"I can't imagine it's that bad."

"I'm pretty sure my building is full of crack addicts and drunks, so yes, it's that bad."

"So why don't you move?"

John laughed. "Do you honestly think I can afford to live anywhere else when I'm working in a coffee shop? I'm fucking lucky that Erik lets me work as much as I do or else I'd probably not be eating so I could have an apartment."

"I know that you have already said no to this, but my offer to help with your rent still stands."

John sighed heavily. "It's so tempting. So very, very tempting."

"But the answer is still no."

"The answer is still no," John confirmed. "At least for the moment. More places on my floor keep getting their doors kicked in and I might change my mind. In fact, take me to my building instead of the shop. I need to make sure that everything's fine before I go to work."

"There's a lot of robberies?"

"Robberies, drug busts by the cops, and I think there were a home invasion and a murder on the fifth floor a couple of weeks ago," John said as though it was nothing. "At least, that's what my creepy neighbor was telling me while I was getting my mail."

Bobby swallowed hard. "And you really expect me to let you stay there tonight without saying anything?"

John sighed again. "I know it's not the best place in the world, and I know that it's about nine hundred trillion levels below your penthouse, but yes, Bobby, I expect you to let me stay in my own apartment tonight without saying anything."

"I'm going to be terrified that you're being hurt while I'm at this fucking party tonight, I hope you know that."

"I'll be fine," John said seriously. "I know how to protect myself. I have no issues with setting any part of that place on fire in self-defense. I don't care who it might hurt. I'm not letting anything happen to me. No fucking way."

"So you sleep with your lighter on the bedside table?"

"I sleep with my lighter in my bed," John corrected. "I promise you, nothing will happen to me."

"I will try my hardest to believe that," Bobby said, taking a deep breath. "Can I apologize again?"

"For fuck's sake, Bobby."

"I feel like I didn't give you what you needed out of our relationship, and I feel like I ignored you when you tried to tell me as much, and I feel like that helped to drive you away. So I'm sorry because I never, ever, ever intended for any of that to happen. And I'd say that I wish you'd spoken up about it but you quite clearly did and I didn't pay any attention."

"Stop it. Now."

"I just feel like we should talk about it."

"We did talk about it," John pointed out. "And now I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm not angry, Bobby. And I don't want to hear apologies for things that happened years ago. None of that matters anymore, and nothing good is going to happen if either one of us is living in the past. Quite frankly, I want to forget about our past relationship and focus on the one we're going to have now."

"There was a lot of really great things that happened in the past, Johnny."

"Yes, there was," John said, unable to keep a smile from crossing his face. "But it's the past. I'd rather concentrate on the present and work towards the future."

Bobby let a hand drift down from the steering wheel to cover John's hand on his knee, and he looked over at him with a smile on his face. "I promise that I will not make you talk about the past any more than you want to, okay? I love you, Johnny, and I don't want to push you away again."

"You didn't push me away before," John murmured. "But I would really appreciate it if you kept your focus on the here and now."

"The here and now."

"Yes," John nodded. "And the future."

Bobby grinned. "I'm really looking forward to that."

John smiled in return. "So am I, even if it doesn't seem like that. Now, tell me about this party tonight. Rogue said she had to buy some fancy new dress for it that she feels uncomfortable in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I might have stolen the medicine ball from Starbucks and turned it into the ski slope at Lehnsherr's. But I had like three of them while writing this chapter and it just seemed fitting.


	8. Chapter 8

**October 13th**

John collapsed down onto the steps leading into the alley and brought the joint to his lips, reaching into his pocket for his lighter. He flicked it on briefly and suddenly the joint was lit, and he leaned back against the steps as he blew out smoke. It was barely five p.m. but it was already an incredibly long and tiring day, and the text he'd just gotten from Bobby had just made it even worse.

His day had started with an appointment with Storm at nine a.m., and while he knew that these sessions with Storm were designed to help him, he couldn't help but wonder if they actually would. His father had done so much damage that he didn't see how he could ever be repaired. But Storm had been patient, and when he'd brought up his fears, she had assured him that if he let her she would be able to help him.

John had always liked Storm. She was kind and funny, always left great tips, and was more than willing to cool things down with some clouds on a hot summer's day. Kitty was always going on about how respected Storm was in the community, that she was willing to help out anyone who needed it regardless of their ability to pay for her services. John knew that if he could just get himself to trust her she might actually be able to help him, just like she'd said she could. 

The problem was getting himself to trust her. 

He'd texted Bobby on his way to the shop after his appointment and hadn't immediately heard back, so he'd just assumed that he'd been in the meeting that Bobby had talked about the night before. But when hours passed and he still hadn't heard anything, he texted Rogue instead, and that's when he'd learned that Bobby's meeting had been with his father.

Bobby had never mentioned that his meeting was going to be with his father.

William Drake was a man that most of the world respected, but John knew him more as the man that Bobby feared. Bobby had never given him a tangible reason for this, just said that his father would never be able to understand the way that he wished to live his life. Bobby had always played that off to be the gay thing, but something had always told John that it was more than that.

He wondered if he could get Bobby to tell him what that was now. John had been honest with him about his father. He thought it was only fair that Bobby was honest with him about his.

Finding out that the meeting had been with William Drake was worrying enough. But Bobby had just texted him that he couldn't come to pick him up from work because he had to work through the evening and probably would have to the next day as well, and John had become supremely concerned. Work meant a lot to Bobby – he wanted to prove that he really was good enough to run that entire international conglomerate one day – but Bobby had always said that work would never be more important than John.

John didn't know when he'd started to believe that Bobby had told him the truth.

He looked over as someone sat down next to him and smiled at Raven. "How is Hank?"

"He's good," Raven said, unable to keep the smile off her face. "He's just started some big research project that he's all excited about. I have no idea what he's talking about when he goes into detail on these things, but I'm open to learning about it all. Never thought I'd be thinking of taking science classes at night at one of the community colleges, but I might."

"He does seem very eager to talk about his research, even when people don't understand a word he's saying," John said, laughing. "I had to stop him the other day and just flat out tell him that I hadn't understood a thing, and all he did was grin at me and say that he was used to it."

"Yes, that's something he's very used to," Raven said, looking over at John. "But I'm not out here to talk about Hank."

"I assumed as much," John said as he took another drag off the joint. "So what's up?"

"Smoking during the day?"

"It's been a really fucking long day and it just got worse, so yes, smoking during the day."

Raven gave him a concerned look. "What happened?"

"Session with Storm this morning and now Bobby's blowing me off for work," John sighed. "I completely understand why, because his father is involved and Bobby is terrified of him, but still. I was looking forward to seeing him and telling him about today."

"Well, maybe you can talk on the phone tonight."

"Maybe," John said, shaking his head. "I somehow doubt that is going to happen though."

"Why?"

"Instinct. Bobby used to isolate himself and stay away from the rest of the world when he had something really big to work on and something tells me that whatever project this is that his father has put him on is something really big."

"Maybe he's changed."

"He's changed in certain areas for sure. I somehow doubt that he's changed in this one. There's pretty much nothing in the world that means more to Bobby Drake than proving that he's good enough to run that company someday."

"I bet you do," Raven said, smiling at him. "I mean, you're his soulmate. There's really not anything that should matter more than your soulmate."

"So nothing matters more to you than Hank?"'

"Not much. I mean, Charles does, because he's my brother, and Erik does too because he's Charles's soulmate, and Peter does because I love my nephew, but beyond that, not really. Hank has pretty much become everything to me."

"Even though you two will never have a romantic connection?"

"Even though we'll never have a romantic connection," Raven agreed. "I was so disappointed when I woke up that morning and that circle around my wrist was blue."

"Honestly? I didn't know if you would be able to tell when you were in your natural form if you woke up and it was blue."

"It's a different shade of blue," Raven said, turning into her natural form to show John. "See?"

John reached for Raven's left hand and examined the intricate band that encircled her wrist. "It's beautiful in your other form, but it's even more beautiful like this."

Raven sighed heavily. "I know that you keep trying to tell me to stay like this, but I just can't."

John watched as the pale skin and blonde hair that she always wore came back. "I just think you're beautiful like that, Raven."

"I appreciate that," Raven said seriously. "But I don't like the looks I get if I walk down the street looking like that. So I look like this. Hank completely understands what I mean. You should see him when he's showing his natural form."

John's brow furrowed. "I didn't know that Hank was a mutant."

"Yep," Raven said, smiling. "He turns blue too. His name is Beast."

"Beast?"

"Beast."

"I'd like to see that someday."

"I'll let him know that," Raven said, looking over at John and noticing how much he'd smoked. "You smoking that whole thing?"

"I have more."

"Of course you do," Raven muttered. "So, how does Bobby handle the fact that you're a mutant?"

John laughed. "He handles it perfectly fine. Why wouldn't he?"

"You know how some people are when they find out their soulmate is a mutant."

"Bobby and I established that I was a mutant on the night that we met. We established that he was one too."

Raven looked over at him in surprise. "What?"

"Bobby is a mutant too."

"That's not exactly public knowledge."

"I know. He's not hiding it. It's just never come up. He's more than willing to admit it to anyone who asks."

"So, what can he do?"

John grinned. "He can create, control, and manipulate ice."

Raven laughed. "He's ice and you're fire?"

"Yep."

"No wonder you two have always thought that you might be soulmates," Raven said, shaking her head. "That's amazing."

"Yeah, we've always thought it was pretty cool." John murmured. "I think it's cool that you and Hank both are blue."

"It's kind of a nice ironic coincidence. But I don't want to talk about me and Hank anymore."

John sighed heavily. "I love him. I've always loved him. But not being able to see him today showed me how much I have started to depend on him again. And it's been two fucking weeks, Raven. We were apart for two years, and now it's been two fucking weeks and the thought of not seeing him today is tearing me apart."

Raven reached out and placed a hand on John's shoulder. "Listen to me, okay? You are not dependent on him. You are trying to spend every second you can with him because you went so long without him. But you are still an independent person, John. You can survive a day without him, even if you'd rather spend it with him."

John took a deep breath. "I know that you're right, but I depend on him too. He's been here almost every night at the end of my shift, whether it's one a.m. or not, to pick me up so I don't have to take the trains. He's terrified of my apartment since I told him what it's like compared to his. He always wants me to stay the night, and he always brings me to work himself, and he's just been there for everything in the past couple of weeks. And it's been so nice. So, so nice."

"Of course it has been. You've been rejecting love for the last two years."

John shook his head. "No, I haven't."

"Yes, you have. You won't even accept it from all of us."

"That's fucking bullshit."

"No, it's really not," Raven stressed. "Will you please just admit to yourself that you've been doing everything you can to block out every emotion you could possibly feel? Part of that is rejecting love, no matter who it's from."

John went to argue then fell silent. He thought about what Raven had said for a moment, and then he thought about what had happened to him in the past two weeks. He'd been fine, he'd been perfectly fine, and then he'd gone home with Bobby Drake and was reminded what it felt like to be loved. 

He hadn't felt that way in two years. In fact, he'd done his hardest to not feel anything from anyone for the last two years.

"Fuck," he finally breathed out, and Raven squeezed his shoulder.

"This is a great thing, John. And you're missing him tonight because you like the way he makes you feel, and that's something you haven't felt in a very long time. You're craving it at the moment and I don't blame you for that."

John took in a shuddering breath and turned to look at her. "You guys really think I don't love you?"

"We know you love us," Raven said softly. "But we weren't sure if you knew we love you too."

John swallowed hard and blinked to try and keep tears from forming. "I do," he whispered. "I really, really do."

"Good," Raven said, smiling. "Everyone will be glad to hear that."

John gave her a smile back. "Thanks, Mystique."

"You're welcome, Pyro," Raven said, standing up. "Take as long as you need out here, okay? I'll go up front and work for you."

"You don't have to do that."

"You need some time, John. I'll do whatever I have to in order for you to get that time," Raven said, stepping into the building before John could say another word. 

John leaned back against the steps and brought the joint to his lips, taking a long drag. Raven was right because Raven was always right about these things, and now he had something new to process. Maybe he'd bring this up in his next session with Storm because if he was burying emotions and now everything was hitting him again, that probably wasn't a good thing. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing, so he quickly reached for it. He smiled when he recognized the number and answered it, bringing it up to his ear. "Hey."

"I am so sorry about tonight," Bobby said quickly. "My father just hit me with heading up this huge project with a really tight deadline and there is just no way to do this that doesn't involve working like twenty-four seven for the next week."

"The next week?"

"I'm sorry, Johnny, but it might come to that," Bobby said, sighing into the phone. "Do you work this weekend?"

"I do but that can be changed."

"Then can you change it?" Bobby asked, a pleading tone to his voice. "I will spend all weekend in bed with you. I promise."

John laughed. "In bed?"

"Oh, come on, like we won't end up doing that if we have two whole days together. You know what we've been like for the past two weeks."

John laughed. "Yes, yes I do. Alright, I'll take the weekend off, but I am holding you to this promise."

"Thank you," Bobby breathed out. "I will so make this up to you this weekend."

"You better."

Bobby's voice dropped low. "I will ride you so hard you won't remember your name."

John nearly choked on the smoke. "Bobby!"

"I'm serious."

"I know you are but fuck, I'm at work."

"So am I."

"You want to tease me like that and then we don't see each other all week? I might have to kill you on Saturday because of that."

"You can do it Friday night," Bobby said seriously. "I refuse to work past seven on Friday."

"Then I will make sure I am available from that moment on."

"I'm going to have Rogue come over there and give you a key so that you can get into the penthouse before I get there because I'm not going to have time to go get you."

"That's fine," John said, swallowing hard. "But are you sure that you want me to have a key to your place?"

"It's our place, Johnny," Bobby said, and then John heard voices in the background. "I have to get back to work."

"So do I," John said, putting the joint out and sighing. "I'm going to miss you tonight."

"I'm going to miss you too," Bobby said quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Then I'll talk to you then."

John ended the call and closed his eyes. A week. An entire fucking week without Bobby. How the fuck was he ever supposed to get through this now that he'd become so addicted to being with Bobby again? 

He pulled the small tin out of his pocket and set the joint in it, pushing it back into the pocket. Then he took his phone and sent a text to Jubilee, telling her what was happening and that he didn't know if he could be alone. He got a text back almost immediately, letting him know she'd be there at close and then they could go have a drink and talk, and John had never been happier to have Jubilation Lee as a friend. She always knew what he needed.

But what he really needed was spending the night working in an office in Manhattan. 

That thought terrified him. He'd become so accustomed to needing no one that his deep need for Bobby was unsettling. But John thought that must be a byproduct of the soulmates thing. He hadn't had this need, not even during their previous relationship, but ever since Bobby turned twenty-three, he absolutely needed him beyond comprehension. 

John took a deep breath and stood up. He needed something to distract him from these thoughts and going back to work sounded like the only way to do that.


	9. Chapter 9

**October 18th**

Bobby sighed as John's lips trailed down his neck, running his hands along his soulmate's naked back. "Mm, I love lazy Saturday mornings. Do you know how much I've wanted this all week? The thought of spending the whole weekend in bed with you was the only thing that got me through all those meetings."

Bobby sucked in a sharp breath as John's lips attacked a sensitive spot, and John saw his opportunity but desperately didn't want to ruin the pleasant haze that surrounded them. "It's not my fault we went all week without seeing each other. You're the one dealing with parents you still haven't told."

"I know but right now I don't have much choice. My father put me in charge of a huge project. I'm lucky I'm not working through the weekend."

"Thank you for completely missing my point," John mumbled into Bobby's skin, making him sigh.

"I, um, ooh," Bobby trailed off as John's hand slid up his side, causing him to momentarily lose his focus. "I know that I need to tell them about you and I will, but at the moment I don't know how to explain this to them. I don't even know how to explain it to myself."

John pulled back and sighed, looking over at Bobby. "You promised you wouldn't force things."

"And I'm not trying to. But we haven't even had the conversation about what you want to do about the fact that we're soulmates. I just know that we have been spending time together and a lot of that time has been spent fucking. That can't be the rest of our lives, Johnny. And that's definitely not something to tell my parents. It's been almost three weeks. I think it's time to at least put a plan together."

John sighed again, flipping onto his back next to Bobby. "I'm not ready for things to go back to how they used to be. Not even close."

"And I'm not trying to make you be. I just want a future planned so that I can tell my parents what is happening," Bobby said, shifting onto his side. "Ronny seems to think their response will be positive but I remain terrified. He wants to meet you soon, by the way. And you told me that you would."

"Bobby." John looked in his direction and reached out, tangling their fingers together. "I know I said that but I'm not ready for that yet."

"Then what are you ready for?" Bobby exclaimed, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. "You're not ready to meet my family. You won't let me hold your hand when we walk around the city. You have been introducing me like an old friend from college at the coffee shop. And don't think that I didn't notice that you lied your way out of coming to the employee dinner with me. I had this crazy thought that I wasn't going to have to hide the fact that you're my soulmate, but yet that's what is happening."

"You're not having to do that!" John sat up and ran his hands through his hair. "You're not."

"Then explain to me what's happening. Because I really am going to need you to explain this to me."

John sighed and slumped his shoulders down. "I want to let everyone know. I do. I just...I'm not..."

"You don't think you're good enough for me so you're scared." Bobby sat up and plastered himself along John's back, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck. "I wish I could understand why."

"You're motherfucking Bobby Drake and I'm this broke guy who feels so incredibly, unbelievably inadequate. You deserve someone on your level, not me," John said honestly. "I do want the whole world know that I love you and yet I'm terrified of anyone but you knowing it. They'll see how wrong this is if they know."

"It's not wrong, Johnny. We're not wrong," Bobby murmured, sliding his hands around John's waist. "And you are more than good enough. So much more than good enough. You are exceptional."

John shook his head. "Don't lie to me."

"Johnny," Bobby whispered softly, drawing John's head towards his own. He pressed their lips together gently, pulling back when John tried to deepen the kiss. "I love you. And I'm not lying."

"I love you too," John whispered back. "And I wish I could believe that."

"I know what it's like to live without you," Bobby said, hints of the pain he'd felt evident in his voice. "I never want to feel like that again. So if this is how life is going to be, then I'll learn to accept it and I'll make my family understand. I'd rather have you here by my side like this than ever have to live another day without you. But it's not going to stop me from wanting to show you off to my employees or to crowds of strangers when we're out walking somewhere or at the coffee shop. I want everyone to know that I'm the lucky one who has you."

John sighed as Bobby rested his forehead against his shoulder. "I don't want you to have to learn to accept that."

"Then you're going to have to push yourself to believe that you belong here. That I want you here," Bobby mumbled, dropping a kiss onto the nearest piece of skin that he could find. "But I'm not going to force you to do anything."

John took a deep breath and looked up at the mirror across from the bed, staring at their reflection. "When is the dinner?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Two weeks from yesterday."

John leaned his head against Bobby's. "Then I guess I have two weeks to work up the nerve to go with you."

Bobby smiled against John's skin and tightened his arms around his waist. "You mean it?"

"I know you're right. I have to push myself past this," John said, sinking further into Bobby's embrace. "Rogue will be there, right?"

Bobby shifted and pressed another kiss to John's neck. "Yes. And she will be more than willing to stay close to you all night. She hates these things."

"Then I guess I'll talk to her about it when we have lunch on Tuesday," John said, tilting his head to catch Bobby's lips in another kiss. "I just want to make you happy, Bobby."

"You make me happier than anything or anyone else possibly could," Bobby said, pulling John back down to the mattress. "And I plan to spend the rest of this weekend showing you just how much."

John laughed as Bobby's hands slid down his chest, the laughter quickly turning into a gasp as one hand suddenly moved lower and wrapped around his cock. "Fuck, Bobby."

Bobby laughed and started nibbling at the lobe of John's ear. "You love it and you know it."

John groaned as he felt himself harden, reaching back to pull Bobby closer to him. "Oh, fuck yes."

Bobby pulled back quickly and stuck his hand underneath the pillow, snatching up the lube before swiftly pouring some into his hand. John moaned in appreciation when the slick hand returned to his dick, arching up into Bobby's touch as he worked him hard and fast. "Bobby..."

"I love you so much," Bobby murmured, trailing kisses down John's neck as he increased the speed of his hand. "So, so much."

"Oh, fuck," John called out, groaning when Bobby's thumb played with his slit. "Love you too, baby."

Bobby grinned at the term of endearment, something John hadn't called him since before their split. He attacked the curve of John's neck, nipping and sucking as John's moans escalated. He tightened his grip slightly and suddenly John was crying out, come coating Bobby's hand.

Bobby kept stroking him as he felt John come down from the high, smiling against his neck when he felt John's fingers come up and tangle in his hair. "Enjoy that?"

"What the fuck do you think?" John laughed, hissing as Bobby moved his hand away. "Mm, your turn in a few minutes."

Bobby laughed and pulled away from John, climbing from the bed. "My turn after breakfast. I'm starving. You stay there. I shall return with food momentarily."

"Bobby, you don't cook," John pointed out.

"I am capable of making eggs," Bobby said, pulling on a pair of boxer shorts. "Don't worry."

John forced himself onto his feet as Bobby walked out of the room. He grabbed clothes off the floor and quickly dressed, heading towards the kitchen to find Bobby washing his hands. "Well, at least you've got that part right."

"Fuck off," Bobby said with a smile on his face. "I know better than to cook with lube and come all over my hand. And I wanted to have breakfast in bed."

"Then we'll have breakfast in bed," John said, opening the refrigerator. "But I am not eating anything you cook."

"Oh, come on, I'm not that bad at cooking."

"Yes, you are," John said seriously. "Or do you not remember all the times you tried to make me breakfast before?"

Bobby laughed and sat down at the island. "Maybe it is better that you make breakfast."

"I know it is," John said, setting the eggs next to the stove before heading to the sink. "Besides, I like cooking for you. Shows I'm worth something."

Bobby sat there for a moment thinking about what John had just said. "Is that really why you cook? So that I'll think that you're worth keeping around?"

John took a deep breath and turned around. "I will answer that if you will answer a question for me first."

"Alright."

"What is the deal with you and your father?" John asked. "Because it's more than just him reacting badly because you're gay. I can tell and I've been able to tell for years."

Bobby sighed heavily. "Why did you have to ask me that?"

"I told you about my father," John pointed out. "I think it's only time that I have the truth about yours."

Bobby sat there for a moment. "Make breakfast."

"Bobby."

"I will tell you while you're making breakfast, but please make breakfast. I'm hungry."

"Fine, but if you don't tell me by the time I'm finished, this is getting tossed into the garbage and I won't remake it until you actually tell me."

"That's fair," Bobby said, running his hands over his face. "The reason why I don't want to tell you now is entirely different to the reason that I didn't want to tell you back then. Back then I just didn't want you to have a glimpse into what it was like to be me as a child, but when I came home from Boston that weekend, I was planning on telling you eventually. I wanted to tell you everything, involve you in everything, and say fuck you to my parents if they couldn't handle that."

"None of this is telling me about your father," John said seriously as he found a pan. "You're just talking around it."

Bobby took a deep breath. "My father had a very specific means of punishment when I was a kid. My grandfather eventually found out about it and told him to fucking stop it or he'd cut him out of his will, so he did. But that never stopped me from being scared of him. I'm still fucking terrified of him and it's been fifteen years since he laid a hand on me."

"Oh, Bobby," John breathed out. "I'm sorry. I had no idea. I wouldn't have made you talk about it if I had."

"It's fine, Johnny," Bobby said softly. "You deserved to know. And I would have told you eventually. I really would have."

"I know," John said, turning his attention back to the eggs in the pan. "Yes, I cook because it makes me worth something. It's why I cooked before and it's why I'm cooking now. Makes me useful."

Bobby stood up and walked around the island, reaching out to turn the stove off before pulling John into his arms. "You are worth the world whether you're cooking for us or not, okay? I don't need you to do this to be useful. You are useful the way you are."

"I wish I could believe that," John murmured, burying his face in Bobby's neck. "I want to so badly."

"Then just do it."

"It's not that easy."

"I know," Bobby said. "I know. But therapy is going to help with that."

"You seem so sure of that."

"Because I am. Therapy really helped me with that."

John sucked in a sharp breath. "You..."

"It's hard to have the highest opinion of yourself when you grow up the eldest son of William Drake. My issues never ran as deep as yours but they were there. I honestly think that's why I reacted so badly after you disappeared. You had made me feel whole for the first time. Like I wasn't a failure at everything like he thought I was."

John was silent for a moment. "Your desire to prove that you are good enough to run the company comes from that, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Bobby said, nodding. "And that's why I spent the past week working my ass off on a project that he would have just delegated to someone else. That's the whole reason my team and I got it in the first place. Because he didn't want to do it."

"Fuck," John said slowly. "I've said this before but your father sounds like a real dick."

"He is," Bobby laughed. "And I hate that he kept me away from you for a week. This was torture."

"It's okay."

"No, it's really not," Bobby said, turning to press a kiss to John's temple. "I'd spend every second of every day in your presence if I could. But I know I can't do that."

"It's okay," John said again. "I wouldn't want to disappoint your father either."

"I'm terrified of what will happen if I tell them that you're my soulmate," Bobby whispered. "I worry I'll be out of a job and an inheritance that's rightfully mine will be taken away. But at the same time, I am going to tell them because I'm not hiding you. No way."

"I don't want to fuck up your life, Bobby."

"You don't. You make it better."

John sighed heavily. "I wish I could believe that too."

"I will say it until you believe it," Bobby said, pulling John towards the bedroom. "I think we need to fuck now."

"Is that so?"

"I thought we agreed that we should always fuck after important conversations."

"We did," John said as they entered the bedroom. "But what happened to being hungry?"

"I'm hungrier for you."

"That was the worst line imaginable."

Bobby laughed. "Did it work?"

"Take off your clothes and find out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does a handjob count as explicit? whatever, I've changed the rating just in case.


	10. Chapter 10

**October 21st**

Bobby took a deep breath as William Drake walked into his office, plastering a smile on his face before he looked up at his father. "Good afternoon, Dad."

"Afternoon, Bobby," William said, sitting down in front of Bobby's desk. "Good work on the project last week. I understand that I left you with a pretty tight deadline."

"We were unable to do anything but work on it for a week which has put everything we normally do behind schedule," Bobby said calmly. "That means we're busting our asses this week to catch up and do everything we should be doing this week too. So, thank you for that."

William shrugged. "Eh, who cares."

"The people who depend upon the work that we do," Bobby pointed out. "I know that you don't do daily work for the company but we do and the things that we do affect shipments and if we don't get them done on time then the shipments get off schedule. That makes companies angry and think about using a different shipping company. So yes, Dad, people care."

William stared at his son for a moment before shaking his head. "Moving on, Ronny tells me that you've met your soulmate." 

Bobby cursed Ronny under his breath. "Of course he did."

"Is that a bad thing?" William asked. "I can't see how that's a bad thing. I remember meeting your mother. Finding Madeline was the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Bobby swallowed hard. "No, it's not a bad thing. It's a fantastic thing. I just don't know how you're going to react to it."

William gave him a strange look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly what I said. I'm not sure how you're going to react to it."

"Then tell me and find out."

Bobby took a deep breath. "My soulmate's name is John."

"John?"

"John."

"Meaning that your soulmate is a man."

Bobby just nodded.

"I was under the impression that your soulmark was red."

"It is."

William Drake reached up and ran his hands over his face. "Fucking hell, are you trying to tell me that you're fucking queer?"

"Yes," Bobby breathed out. "And I'm so happy with John. So unbelievably happy."

William sat there for a few moments before shaking his head. "I definitely wasn't expecting this. I was expecting to hear about a gorgeous brunette with killer breasts."

"I wouldn't have been interested if I found a soulmate like that," Bobby said quietly. "I've never been interested in women."

William stood up immediately. "I need to leave now. My secretary will be in touch."

"Of course," Bobby said, trying to keep control of his emotions. "I'd like to have dinner with you before you go back to Boston, maybe introduce you to John."

"I'm afraid that I have to go home this afternoon," William said quickly. "Your mother needs me for some fundraiser for one of her charities." 

"Right," Bobby said, standing up to shake his father's hand. "I'll see you soon then."

William looked at Bobby's outstretched hand before turning and walking out of the office. Bobby stared at the doorway for a moment before collapsing down into his chair, burying his face in his hands and staying that way. Rogue found him about twenty minutes later and she shook her head before walking around the desk.

"Bobby," she said gently as she crouched next to the chair. "What happened?"

"I told my father about John," Bobby mumbled, and Rogue's hands immediately moved to pull Bobby's away from his face. 

"Look at me, darlin'," Rogue demanded, and Bobby turned his head towards her. "If he can't handle the fact that you and Johnny love each other, then he ain't worth havin' in your life. I don't care who he is or what he thinks he can control. You don't need that kinda negativity and lack of tolerance around you."

"I know that you're right, Rogue, I really do, but I am fucking scared to death of what I just did," Bobby said quietly. "I might lose my job, I might lose my inheritance, I might lose my entire life."

"You might gain some freedom," Rogue said strongly. "You might stop bein' beholden to whatever whim your father comes up with. You might actually get to live the life you wanna live instead of livin' one that's compatible with his wishes. And Johnny's a big part of that. You're not gonna let him go for anythin'. I won't let ya."

"I'm never letting Johnny go," Bobby said before pausing. "Rogue, I just cannot imagine my life without all of this in it. I mean, I've been groomed for this since I was born."

"You'll still get to do all of this," Rogue said, shaking her head. "Your father might be a dick but he's reasonable. You just shocked him, darlin'. I promise you that everythin' is gonna be just fine."

"I'm glad you're so sure of that," Bobby said, sitting up and staring at the work in front of him. "I need to take the rest of the day off. There's no way I'll be able to concentrate on work now."

"Then let me take care of all that and you get ready to leave," Rogue said, standing up and walking out of the office. 

Bobby took a deep breath and reached for his laptop, closing it and standing up. He grabbed his messenger bag and slid it into it, looking around his desk and picking up a few more things. By the time he was walking out of his office a minute later, Rogue had taken care of his schedule and was ready to leave with him. 

"Thank you," he breathed out once they were in the elevator. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Rogue smiled and slipped her arm through his. "I don't know what ya would do without me either. You would be a complete mess."

Bobby laughed. "You mean I'm not that already?"

Rogue smiled. "No, darlin'. I keep ya from bein' one. Now, where are we goin'? I'll drive."

Bobby went to argue but Rogue just gave him a look, so he abandoned that idea quickly and handed the keys over. "Don't scratch it."

"I won't and ya know it," Rogue said as the elevator opened on the parking level. "But ya didn't tell me where we're goin'."

Bobby stayed silent until they were in the car. "Do you know where Johnny is right now?"

"Probably at the coffee shop," Rogue said. "He's workin' from open til close today."

"He is?" Bobby said. "He never said anything to me about that."

"He works open to close every other Tuesday," Rogue stated. "Trades off with Darwin. And he didn't work last week so he's probably working this week."

"Have I met Darwin?"

"He's the one that can adapt to anythin'. He turned his arm to wood for ya, remember?"

"Oh, that guy," Bobby murmured. "Okay. So Johnny's at work?"

"Yep."

"Then let's go there," Bobby said, reaching for his phone. "I'll text him and let him know we're on our way."

"You sure you wanna do that? Because I know Johnny doesn't like it when you just spend all day at the coffee shop."

"I didn't say we're going to spend all day there," Bobby pointed out. "I just want to tell him that I told my father and I want to do it in person."

"Can't that wait till tonight?"

"I have that art exhibition at MOMA to go to."

"Right, I forgot about that," Rogue said, shaking her head. "How the fuck did I forget about that? I'm goin' to it with ya. Fuck, now I gotta come up with somethin' to wear to it."

"Wear something you already have."

"I can't do that, darlin'."

"Why not?" 

Rogue stared at him for a moment. "I can't be seen at these society things wearin' the same dress. That's a major social faux pas." 

"If you say so," Bobby said, shaking his head. "So we'll go shopping this afternoon."

"Don't ya want to go home and just chill out?"

"I'd rather go with you so you don't think you have to pay for this dress."

"Bobby, ya don't have to do that."

"If you think you need to buy a new dress for every social event we go to, then I'm paying for every fucking one of them. You shouldn't have to spend that much money on this because I know these dresses are not fucking cheap."

Rogue smiled at him as she started the car. "No, they are not, and I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am that you're doin' this. Means I might be able to make rent without scramblin' around tryin' to figure things out."

Bobby's head whipped around. "You can barely make rent?"

"It's expensive tryin' to keep up with you," Rogue said as she backed the car out of the parking space. "It's alright. I manage."

"Managing when I can help with that is bullshit," Bobby said. "I'm giving you a large bonus to cover what you've already spent on this stuff and giving you a substantial raise so that you're no longer not making rent."

"Bobby, you honestly don't have to do that."

"Yes, I fucking do."

"Well, thank you. I ain't arguin' with ya," Rogue said, smiling at him. "Now, do ya want to talk about that new company that ya'll are dealin' with on the way there? I know you've been needin' to talk that out with someone."

"I think that's a great idea," Bobby said, settling into his seat and beginning to tell Rogue all about it.

Bobby talked all the way to the coffee shop, blinking when Rogue pulled up right in front of it. "We're here already?"

"Yep," Rogue said, smiling at him. "I knew gettin' ya to talk about that would make the time pass quickly."

Bobby just shook his head and got out of the car, waiting for Rogue before they walked inside. Kitty looked up and smiled at them as they approached the counter, and Bobby turned to Rogue to get what she wanted out of her. Rogue gave him the answer and Bobby gave Kitty the order, and as Kitty turned to make it, she kept talking to them.

"So, what are you doing here? Johnny's not here."

Bobby gave her a confused look. "He's not?"

"Called in sick," Kitty said, reaching for the milk. "Thought you'd know all about that."

"Well, I don't," Bobby said, reaching for his phone and texting him. "Rogue, can you ask Jubes if she knows anything about this?"

"Of course, darlin'," Rogue said, smiling at Kitty when she set her drink in front of her. "Thanks, Kitty."

"No problem," Kitty said, turning back to the machine. "If you figure out what's going on with Johnny, let us know, okay? Everyone here's worried. Johnny never calls in sick."

"We will, I promise," Bobby said, smiling at her when his drink was handed over. "Have a nice day, Kitty."

"Thanks, guys," Kitty said as they turned and left.

Once they were outside, Bobby turned to Rogue. "What are we going to do?"

"We're goin' over to Johnny's, of course," Rogue said, walking around the car. "So you better know the address."

"We're not just ambushing him, Rogue."

"Yes, we are," Rogue said seriously. "Jubes has no idea what this is about either and she's worried as fuck."

"Then I guess we're going to Johnny's," Bobby said, getting into the car and rattling off the address.

Rogue drove them to the apartment building as quickly as she could. When they got there, she went to open the door but Bobby put a hand on her arm. "No. Let me go up there alone."

"Bobby."

"He'll probably respond better to just me," Bobby said softly. "I'll let you know when you can come up."

Rogue nodded and Bobby got out of the car, walking up to the building. Someone was walking out as he got there, so he slipped into the building before the door shut and jogged up the stairs to John's floor. He swallowed hard as he looked around before making his way to John's apartment. 

The first thing he noticed was that the apartment was clearly broken into, the door kicked in at the bottom and the lock busted at the top. His worry immediately spiked and he pushed the door open, calling out. "Johnny? Are you alright?"

"Bobby?" came John's voice, and Bobby made his way through the destruction that was the inside of the apartment until he found him. 

John was crouched down next to the bed, his right eye bruised and blood running down the side of his face. He was cradling his right arm with his left and Bobby immediately dropped down next to him. "Johnny, talk to me."

John stared at him for a moment before nodding slightly. "They were here when I got here. I don't know what they took. Probably everything."

"I am not fucking concerned about what they took," Bobby said seriously. "I am far more concerned about what happened to you."

"I'm fine."

"That's fucking bullshit."

John blinked a couple of times before letting out a small laugh. "What do you think happened, Bobby? I walked into a robbery. Of course, I got the shit kicked out of me."

"Did you call the police?"

"Just got done with them," John murmured. "Supposed to go to a hospital."

"Then that's what is happening."

"I cannot pay for that."

Bobby just shook his head. "You're going and I'm paying for it."

"No, Bobby."

"Johnny, your head is bleeding and you look like you've got a broken arm. I can't even think about what injuries you have that I can't see."

John took one glance at the look in Bobby's eyes before realizing this was a fight he wasn't going to win. "Fine."

"Thank you," Bobby breathed out, standing up and carefully reaching for John. "Come on."

John slowly got to his feet and that's when Bobby got a good look at the large stain of blood on the right side of his shirt. "Fuck, Johnny," he said, reaching towards it. "That looks terrible."

"It hurts," John admitted. "Lots of places hurt."

"Then it's a good thing we're going," Bobby said, glancing around. "Jacket?"

"I don't know where one would be," John said. "They pulled my leather jacket off of me."

Bobby immediately shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around John's shoulders, ignoring John's protests. "You need this more than I do."

John tried to take a deep breath and winced when pain shot through him. "Okay, maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right," Bobby said, giving John a look over once again. "Do you need some help walking?"

"I'm not fucking dead, Bobby," John snapped. "Just take me to the hospital."

Bobby nodded and turned to walk out of the room, glancing back over his shoulder to make sure John was with him. He made it to the door and turned to ask John a question, but John was standing in the middle of the living room, glancing around at the destruction. "Johnny?"

"I know this place was a shithole but this was my life, Bobby," John said softly. "Everything I had was here."

"Everything you had was not here," Bobby said, walking over to him. "You've still got me, and Rogue and Jubes, and everyone at the coffee shop. And we're all going to help you get through this."

"I don't have anywhere to stay tonight."

"That's bullshit."

John turned to look at Bobby with pain in his eyes. "I'm not ready for all of this."

"Maybe this is destiny's way of telling you that you are," Bobby said quietly. "Now, come on. We definitely need to get you to a hospital. It's already been too long in my eyes. How long ago was this attack?"

"I don't know. Five, six hours ago, maybe."

"Fucking hell," Bobby muttered. "That's it, we're leaving now. Rogue's downstairs with the car. I'll look up the nearest hospital."

John let Bobby guide him to the door and he stopped there, turning to look at him. "Kiss me?"

Bobby smiled and leaned forward, kissing him gently. "I love you. And I'm going to give you all the love and support you need, okay?"

John nodded and Bobby led him out into the hallway. As they made their way down to the car, John couldn't think about anything but how much he wished he could believe what Bobby was saying. 

He wished he could believe he was loved.


	11. Chapter 11

**October 24th**

The elevator doors opened and Bobby reached for John, carefully leading him into the penthouse. “Come on, let's get you settled in bed.”

“I've been in bed for three fucking days, Bobby,” John growled. “I do not want to go back to bed.”

“You're supposed to be resting.”

“And I can do that somewhere other than a bed,” John said, walking towards the sofa. “I just want to sit up for a while. I promise that I'll let you tuck me into bed like a five-year-old in a while.”

“Johnny,” Bobby said, trailing after him. “I am not trying to treat you like a five-year-old. I am trying to treat you like the seriously injured man that you are.”

“I'm fine.”

“You're really not.”

John sat down slowly and hissed as pain radiated throughout his side. “As I said, I'm fine.”

Bobby sat down on the other side of the sofa and peered at him with concern. “You shouldn't still be in this much pain.”

“They said I would still be in this much pain,” John pointed out. “The point of the painkillers is to help dull it until it gets better.”

“Painkillers!” Bobby exclaimed, jumping up and heading towards where he'd dropped everything they'd brought home from the hospital with them. “I didn't even think. We need to get this prescription filled immediately. I'll call Rogue right now and...”

“And nothing,” John called out. “Come back over here and sit with me.”

“But Johnny...”

“They gave me painkillers before I left, Bobby. It's hours before I can have more anyway. Come sit with me.”

Bobby took a deep breath and walked back to the sofa, sitting down on the other side again. “What can I do for you?”

“You can stop acting like I'm fucking porcelain and come closer,” John demanded. “I'm not going to break if you sit next to me.” 

“Johnny...”

“For fuck's sake, Bobby, what more do I have to say to get you to understand I want to feel you close to me right now?” John snapped. “Fuck.”

Bobby took a deep breath and slid down to the other side of the sofa, carefully wrapping an arm around John's shoulders. John leaned into Bobby's side and Bobby curled his hand around John's shoulder, pulling him closer. “Is this better?”

“Yes,” John said softly.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes before Bobby heard the sniffle, and he turned immediately towards John and noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Johnny?”

John didn't say anything so Bobby gently pulled him into a full embrace, John burying his face in Bobby's neck and letting the tears fall harder. They sat like that for several minutes before John pulled himself together, and when he sat up Bobby was staring at him with worried eyes.

“Sorry,” John said quietly. “Kind of needed to do that.”

“Johnny, why were you crying?” Bobby asked quickly. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no,” John said swiftly. “You didn't hurt me at all. You're great. You've been great through all of this. It's just everything. Absolutely everything.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you walked into the coffee shop on October first and everything in my life has become overwhelming as fuck since. These are the most stressful and overwhelming twenty-four days of my life.”

“I'm not trying to make anything overwhelming for you.”

“I know you're not, but Bobby, you have to understand why this is overwhelming, right?”

Bobby shook his head. “Not really. I'd think us finding each other again would be a wonderful thing, not an overwhelming one.”

John sat there for a moment before beginning to speak quietly. “I have gotten everything I have ever wanted and absolutely everything I didn't want in the span of a little over three weeks. I was happy, Bobby. You may not be able to understand that, but I was. I liked my life the way it was before you walked into the shop. I liked it a lot. I'd made a family for myself when I'd thought that I'd never have a family again. I found a place where I fit in. I belonged there.

“And now here you come and fate, destiny, and all that bullshit have decided that you're the one for me. And I've known that you are that person for a very long time. I really have. But you're part of a world that I will never fit in, Bobby. The money has always been an issue and I don't see a day where it won't be. And then you go and tell me that you think a billion dollars is just as much mine as yours, and holy fuck, baby, that's absurd. It's beyond absurd, actually. It's all too much. It's just all too much.

“But fate, destiny, and all that bullshit have bigger plans for me than whatever I think I'm ready for, and they decided to drive that point home by having someone break into my apartment and kick the fuck out of me to prove that I don't belong there anymore. I don't belong in the life that I'd made for myself anymore. I hate that. I hate it so, so much. I just want my life from September back again. I don't want to lose you by any means, but I want my fucking life back. I don't want this, Bobby. I don't want any of this.”

Bobby sat there for a couple of minutes taking in everything that John had said, blinking his eyes as the words processed in his mind. “You think I'm trying to change everything about your life,” he said after a moment. “You think I'm trying to take away your freedom of choice.”

“Of course you are,” John muttered. “That's exactly what happened last time. We had to do everything your way or you threw such a fucking tantrum that trying to do things my way wasn't fucking worth it.”

Bobby reached over and took John by the hand. “I am very sorry for what a horrible boyfriend I was.”

“You weren't,” John started, but Bobby wasn't having it. 

“I honestly don't understand why you stayed. Why you even fell in love with me. Clearly, I just tried to turn you into what I wanted instead of appreciating you for the way you are.”

“No,” John said firmly. “That is not it at all. I just don't want to be constantly agreeing to whatever it is you want to do for the rest of my life. I want to still have one.”

“Then you will have one,” Bobby said seriously. “I promise.”

“But you're still going to keep me locked up in here because I clearly cannot live on my own.”

“No,” Bobby said softly. “Look, would I prefer it if you were here all of the time? Yes. Would I sleep better on business trips knowing that you're safe here instead of in some building in Brooklyn with questionable security? Yes. But you are clearly not ready for that and I am not going to force you to do anything.”

John looked over at him. “Meaning?”

“Meaning that I think you need your own apartment. I just would like to make a few suggestions that you can ignore if you want.”

John shifted around so he was facing him. “Suggestions?”

“I would like you to live in a much more secure building than the one that you were living in. That place is scary, Johnny, and if things about our relationship start to get out because I told you, I'm not hiding you, then I think that it would make you more of a target than you already were.”

“I cannot afford that, Bobby.”

“You cannot but I can. So I am suggesting that you find an apartment in a much better building and that you contribute whatever amount you wish to for rent but I'm paying the rest of it. And I promise I will let you pay that portion of the rent every month. I won't sweep in and pay your rent without your permission.”

“What are these other suggestions?” John asked, his eyes softening. 

“I would like to pay to replace everything at your apartment. From the looks of things when I went back over there to get some of your clothes, it seems like they busted up everything they didn't take. There are even deep slashes into your mattress. About the only thing salvageable from there is your clothes and a few miscellaneous things. So I will replace everything that you had in there plus anything else you would like to buy for your new apartment because I know that you don't have the money to go buy an entire apartment's worth of furniture.”

“Bobby.”

“It's just a couple of suggestions that I think are completely reasonable given how much I really want to chain you to our bed and never let you out again.”

John let out a small laugh. “Our bed, hm?”

“It stopped being my bed that first night,” Bobby said, smiling at him. “And it's going to be our bed for the rest of our lives. Might as well refer to it as such.”

John sat there for a moment before smiling back. “I love you, baby,” he breathed out, making the smile on Bobby's face widen.

“I love you too, Johnny.”

“I will agree to your suggestions.”

“Really?”

“Really. But I get the final say on everything.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

Bobby reached out and gently caressed the side of John's face, his thumb ghosting over the bruise on his left cheekbone. “I just want you to be happy, Johnny. And I want you to be happy with me.”

“I will be,” John murmured. “It's just too fast.”

“Then we'll slow it down as much as we need to.”

John took a deep breath and reached for Bobby's hand. “Kiss me.”

Bobby slid closer and captured John's lips in a sweet kiss. When he went to pull away, John's hand came up and held him there, and then the kiss was deepened and it became more passionate by the second. Bobby's hand gently ran up John's side and John shuddered against him, making Bobby immediately break the kiss and stare at him with concern.

“Oh fuck, Johnny, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't and I just...”

“Shut up, Drake,” John laughed. “That's not why I was trembling.”

Bobby gave him a confused look. “Then why did you shudder?”

John reached for Bobby's hand and moved it to his crotch, curling his fingers around his obviously hard cock and gasping. “That is why I fucking shuddered. You were turning me the fuck on.”

“Oh, Johnny,” Bobby murmured, shifting his hand slightly to get a better grip on him. “You know we can't. You're too injured for that.”

“There's a way.”

“There is no possible way.”

John just rolled his eyes. “It's very simple, baby. I lay on the bed and you do all the work.”

Bobby blushed furiously. “Johnny.”

“What?”

“You know what.”

John laughed. “I thought you liked it when you rode me. Thought you took me deeper than ever.”

“I did. I mean, I probably still do. It's just...” Bobby trailed off and sucked in a deep breath. “Well, one, I can't seem to do that without it being pretty difficult to walk the next day.”

“That's only because you move too fast.”

“I'm not so sure about that,” Bobby mumbled. “Secondly, I always feel like people know when we do that.”

John rolled his eyes again. “Fuck, Bobby. If you think people who know we're in a relationship don't know that we fuck, you've got another thing coming. Everyone knows that we fuck, baby. No one cares.”

“I care.”

“That's fucking absurd.”

Bobby took another deep breath. “You know how I am about people knowing I have sex with another man.”

“Well, that is something you're going to have to work on then because I am not hiding the fact that we fuck for the rest of our lives.”

Bobby smiled at the thought of the rest of their lives before nodding. “I will work on this the way you work on believing that I really do love you. I promise.”

“Then what is stopping us from having you ride the fuck out of me right now?”

“Nothing,” Bobby breathed out. “You're...nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“Then let's go.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously,” John said, shifting and groaning as that made Bobby's hand move along his cock. “Look, it's either we fuck or I'm getting you to blow me because this is getting uncomfortable and I really need this to relax.”

Bobby nodded and stood up, reaching for John's hand. “I'm sure we'll figure out what to do then because if this is going to hurt you then I am not doing it.”

“It's not going to hurt me.”

“You don't know that.”

John carefully stood up and pulled Bobby close to him. “Bobby, you're not going to hurt me. If it hurts, I will stop you. It hurts fucking enough as it is.”

“Can I make a request first?”

John sighed heavily. “What?”

“Can I at least get Rogue to come get the prescription so she can go get the painkillers for you? Because if we do this, you will probably need them when we're done.”

“Bobby, I cannot take them for another five hours. That's plenty of time for Rogue to go fill it after I fall asleep once this is over.”

“Johnny.”

“For fuck's sake, baby, are we doing this or not? Because if we're not, I need to go jerk myself off.”

Bobby carefully pulled John into a kiss. “You're not jerking yourself off. At the very least I'll help with that. But I am very concerned about hurting you.”

“You won't,” John said softly. “I promise.”

Bobby swallowed hard. “You tell me the moment the pain gets too bad.”

“I will,” John whispered. “I promise that too.”

Bobby took John by the hand and started walking towards his bedroom. “I'm nervous about this.”

John just rolled his eyes. “Don't be. It's just sex, Bobby. We've fucked more times than I can count.”

“We've never fucked while one of us is this seriously injured before.”

“I am not that seriously injured.”

“Johnny, they had to do surgery to stop some internal bleeding. You are seriously fucking injured.”

“Alright, fine, I'm seriously fucking injured,” John murmured. “And you're not going to let me fuck you, are you?”

“I don't think it's a good idea,” Bobby said, shaking his head. “I'm not hurting you.”

“You're not going to.”

“Yeah, well, I'm just going to blow you and you can deal with that.”

“So long as you do something, I don't care what it is at this point.”

Bobby laughed. “Desperate much?”

“Fucking tease me any more than that and I am torturing the fuck out of you once we can fuck again.”

“I'll stop, I promise.”


	12. Chapter 12

**October 27th**

Jubilee held the door to the coffee shop open, and John just rolled his eyes as he walked inside. "I'm not fucking helpless."

"You're also not supposed to do things like that," Jubilee said firmly. "I am not about to have you end up back in the hospital because you're not taking care of yourself."

"I am taking perfectly good care of myself, thank you very much."

"Johnny!" came Kitty's voice before Jubilee could respond, and John looked up to see her grinning at him from behind the counter. 

"KitKat, how are you?" John asked as he approached the counter. 

"I am so much better now that you're here," Kitty said, spinning around when she heard her name called out from the back. "Raven, I'm not slacking off! It's Johnny!"

Raven came walking out of the back a moment later, a bright smile on her face. "John, it is so good to see you."

"Yeah, well, it's pretty good to see all of you too," John said, leaning up against the counter carefully. "I am so sorry that I'm not at work right now. I know that things are always swamped this time of year."

"That's fucking bullshit," Erik said as he walked up next to Raven. "You healing up is far more important than the fact that some people have to work extra shifts."

Jubilee glanced behind her as the door to the shop opened, and she turned towards Erik with a smile. "Any chance we can come back there? I don't want to be a distraction up here."

"Of course, Jubes," Erik said, smiling at them. "Come on back to the office. I know Charles will want to see John too."

John shook off Jubilee's touch when she reached for his arm. "I can fucking walk on my own."

"Fine," Jubilee said, exasperated. "But when you get tired and you need my help, you're getting it whether you like it or not."

John just rolled his eyes as he walked around the counter. "I am not going to get tired."

"And that is just confirmation that you still don't comprehend how injured you are," Jubilee said seriously. "Now get your ass in that office and sit down."

John went to protest but then saw the look on Erik's face and realized that his boss agreed with her. "You all are so fucking annoying right now. And no one is worse than Bobby."

"No one cares about you more than your soulmate," Erik said as John made his way into the office. "I think you still have a lot to learn about what having a soulmate means."

"It means I have a fucking pain in the ass," John said, carefully sitting down in one of the chairs. "But I'm not here to talk about Bobby. The last thing in the world I want to talk about right now is Bobby."

"Which means that's the thing you need to talk about more than anything," Charles said as he walked into the room. "Raven told me that you were here, John. I'm so glad to see you outside of that hospital."

"Thank you for coming to visit me," John said sincerely. "It was nice to see someone other than Bobby for a few minutes."

"I think you underestimate how much that boy loves you, Johnny," Jubilee said, leaning up against the desk. "You're the most important thing in the world to him and he feels like he almost lost you."

"He didn't almost lose me."

"If he hadn't shown up at your apartment and made you go to the hospital, he could have," Jubilee pointed out. "You weren't going to go yourself and you were bleeding internally. That's fucking serious whether you want to admit it or not."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Yes, it was," everyone else said at the same time, causing John to throw up his hands and grimace.

"Fine, fine, whatever."

Charles walked over and sat down next to John. "John, I think that Bobby's reappearance in your life is a wonderful thing because he might actually force you to take care of yourself for once."

"I take care of myself just fine," John said firmly.

"No, you really don't," Erik agreed. "You hardly ever eat, you have told us that you barely sleep. That's not taking good care of yourself."

"You already know that I think you don't take care of yourself," Jubilee murmured.

John glanced around the room before slumping down into the chair, ignoring the pain that shot through his side. "I don't know how to handle any of this. I can't believe a thing he says to me, I don't want him to help me with anything, and I'm not sure how I'm ever supposed to be someone who is good enough for him. His brother is insistent that he wants to meet me soon, Bobby wants me to go to some employee dinner with him in a couple of days, and I just don't know how to handle it. I just don't."

Charles reached out and put a hand on John's arm. "John, why can't you just believe him? Why can't you just let him help you?"

"I just can't."

"That is not an answer, Johnny," Jubilee said. "That's an excuse."

"Yeah, well, none of you have ever been in a relationship with Bobby fucking Drake either," John snapped. "It doesn't even matter that I don't think I'm good enough for him. The entire fucking world is going to think that when this is found out about, and he's serious when he says he doesn't want to hide me. And it's not that I want him to hide me; it's that I want the reaction that we're going to get to not happen."

"Oh, Johnny, you can't worry about that," Erik said. "And there is going to be a very small minority that has a problem with this. No one else is going to give a fuck."

"Yeah, well, his parents are certainly people that give a fuck," John muttered. "He hasn't heard from them since he told his father about me."

Jubilee's eyes widened. "Bobby told his father about you?"

"Yep. And his father was predictably the dick I've always thought he would be."

Charles put a hand on John's shoulder gently. "Don't you think that Bobby telling his father about you is a good thing, regardless of the reaction from him? Because I think that's a very big, very important step in letting everyone know how serious he is about you."

John sighed heavily and winced as pain raced through him. "Fuck. And yeah, I guess it is. I just...I don't know. I really don't. I guess it's just another thing I can't relate to."

"But you can," Jubilee said softly. "You went through this with your parents. You'll be able to help guide him through it."

John laughed bitterly. "Yeah, because I reacted so fucking well to my parents' reaction."

"John," Erik said. "Your situation was different than his in circumstance but emotionally it's the same thing. It's still the thought of losing your parents."

John immediately stood up as fast as he could. "Jubes, I'd like to leave now."

"Johnny," Jubilee started, but John just shook his head. 

"No, I'm serious. I did not come here for this and I know that this isn't going to change so I would like to leave now."

Jubilee walked over to John and wrapped an arm around his waist when John swayed a bit. "You are getting my help whether you like it or not."

"Fine," John muttered, turning to look at Erik. "I don't know when I'll be back to work, but I'll be here as soon as possible."

"I am not concerned about that," Erik said firmly. "I want you to take all the time you need to heal."

"I know you're not concerned about that but you're not the one who isn't getting a paycheck right now."

"John," Charles said, standing up. "We'll take care of you. You know that."

"I know," John said softly. "I really do. Now can we please go?"

Jubilee just shook her head. "I promise he won't be so belligerent the next time I bring him by. I think he's just in too much pain still."

"Well, if I was as injured as he is, I'd be in a fucking lot of pain too," Erik said as they walked towards the door. "Get yourselves some coffee on the house on your way out, okay?"

"Thanks, Erik!" Jubilee called out as they went their separate ways. 

When they reached the front of the counter, they waited for Kitty to finish up with a customer before Jubilee smiled at her. "Make me an avalanche and make Johnny a ski slope."

"I do not need a ski slope," John said firmly.

"I don't care, you're getting one," Jubilee said, turning back to Kitty. "Erik said they're on the house."

"Got it," Kitty said, reaching for a couple of cups. "So, Johnny, how's it going?"

"It would be going a lot better if I was at work and not in a penthouse in Manhattan."

"I think I'd really enjoy being in a penthouse in Manhattan compared to here," Kitty pointed out. "Is there anything I can do, by the way? I felt so helpless when Rogue came in here and told us what had happened."

"You can help me look for a new apartment if you want," John said. "He's agreed to that at least."

"A new apartment?" Jubilee said, surprised. "I thought for sure you'd be in the penthouse from now on."

"Not ready for it," John said quietly. "Not sure I ever will be."

"Yes, you will," Jubilee said firmly. "You just need to reestablish the relationship you two had before, which means that you need to start doing other things besides just fucking. You two used to do a hell of a lot more than that."

"I think Jubes is right," Kitty said as she reached for the honey. "I think you two need to have an actual relationship again."

"And what the fuck do you think we have right now?"

"A soul infatuation," Jubilee said, her tone letting John know he should have known that. "The same as what happens when any soulmates first find each other. You have to build a relationship from that infatuation. You two used to have a relationship but you don't have one anymore. That is something you need to regain."

John sighed as Kitty set a cup in front of him, murmuring thanks as she went back to making Jubilee's drink. "Maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right," Jubilee said seriously. "And I've been telling you to just let things happen naturally for weeks now."

"I'm trying to."

"No, you're fighting against it."

"I think Jubes is right about that too," Kitty said, shaking her head when John started to protest. "Johnny, you've been fighting against this from the moment it happened. Stop and just let yourself enjoy the fact that you two found each other again."

"I just want to still have a life," John said quietly. "Last time, I felt like I didn't have a life."

"Then make sure that you do," Kitty said, setting Jubilee's drink in front of her. "Because I already know that he's willing to do that."

John gave her a confused look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that he has told me as much."

John stared at her for a moment before sighing heavily. "Explain. Now."

"He came in a few days ago and was asking me about different areas of Gravesend and where I thought a good place was to start looking for an apartment," Kitty said, smiling at him. "I asked him why he wanted an apartment in Gravesend and he said that it was because he was looking for one for you. He said that he feels like he smothered you last time and he doesn't want to do that again so he wants you to have all the independence you need. The apartment is just the first part of that."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," Kitty said, reaching out to put her hand over John's. "He wants to be a better boyfriend this time around, Johnny. He wants you to want to take it a step farther too. He doesn't just want to be your boyfriend."

"He wants us bonded together?" John asked in disbelief. "Why the fuck would he want that?"

"Because he's in love with you, Johnny boy," Jubilee said seriously. "And he wants nothing more than for everyone to know it, even if he is still apprehensive about the whole letting people know it thing. He's willing to push past that for you."

John sighed heavily and took a long sip of his drink. "I want to believe that so badly."

"Then just do it," Jubilee said softly. "And don't even try telling me that you can't. You'll never know if you can unless you try."

"You think I'm not fucking trying?"

"I think you've convinced yourself that you can't believe him so fucking much that you don't even know if you can or not."

"She has a point," Kitty said, drawing John's attention back to her. "You're never going to one day just believe it, Johnny. You've got to make yourself."

"Storm is supposed to help with that."

"Storm is supposed to help you realize you're worth something, and yes, that will help you believe what Bobby says, but Johnny, the only way this is going to happen is if you push for it to happen. And the best way to do that is to try to believe him instead of just assuming that what he's telling you is a lie," Kitty said. "Trust me on that."

"I do trust you, Kitty, but..."

"But nothing," Kitty said firmly. "At least try. That's all I'm asking you to do."

"Okay," John said after a moment. "But only to end this conversation."

Kitty laughed as the door to the shop opened. "That's fine, Johnny. I've got to get back to work anyway."

"We should go then," John said, smiling at her. "Good to see you, KitKat."

"Good to see you too, Johnny," Kitty said before turning to the customer. 

John turned around and began to sway so Jubilee's arm came around his waist again, and John swallowed down his protests. "Thank you," he said softly, and he could feel Jubilee's smile.

"Anytime you need me, Johnny boy, I am here for you," Jubilee said, slowly walking them out of the shop and down the street to her car. "Now, get in and I'll take you back to the penthouse."

John carefully got in the car and then waited until Jubilee had merged out into traffic to speak. "You really think Kitty is right?"

"Of course I do and you know it."

"Her advice sort of reminds me of the way you forced me to believe you when we were kids."

"I didn't force you to believe anything," Jubilee pointed out. "I just kept telling you that it was bullshit until you realized that it was. And I know that Bobby is doing that with you because if there's one thing he's really good at, it's talking about how much he loves you. God, the number of hours I've spent in the past two years listening to him go on and on and on about how much he loved you and missed you and would do anything to have you back."

John swallowed hard. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Jubilee said, shaking her head. "He's serious, you know. If you decide you don't want this, he'll spend the rest of his life alone."

"I'm not going to decide that. Maybe right after this first happened, but not now. Not now that I've remembered what it's like to be with him all the time. I need him, Jubes. I try to pretend that I don't, but I do."

"Then why are you pretending that you don't?"

"Because I want to have a life of my own."

"You can need someone and still have a life of your own, you know," Jubilee said seriously.

"I'm just scared, Jubes," John admitted quietly. "I'm scared of how much I need him."

"He's your soulmate, Johnny," Jubilee said as she pulled up to a stoplight. "Of course you're going to need him that much."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not sure that you can understand."

Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Just because my soulmark is blue doesn't mean I can't realize what it is like to need your soulmate, Johnny. You two have a connection that no one else can ever experience. You know as well as I do that the connections between soulmates are different for everyone. That's why there are different kinds of soulmarks."

"Fine, you understand and the fact that I need him this much is a good thing."

"It's a great thing, Johnny. Better than that soulmark of yours turning red and you never find them."

"That wouldn't have happened."

"You can't say that for sure."

"I suppose not."

"Look, Johnny, Kitty is right. You've got to force yourself to believe him and then one day you actually will."

"If I say I'll try can we end this conversation?"

Jubilee sighed heavily. "Yes. But you have to promise me you'll actually try."

"I promise," John said, taking a long sip of his drink. "Now tell me about this girl you met. Theresa, I think you said her name was?"

"Yeah, Theresa," Jubilee said, grinning. "And I'll gladly tell you all about her so long as you promise me something else."

"Oh for fuck's sake, what do I have to promise you now?"

"I want you to promise me that you're going to actually take care of yourself," Jubilee said seriously. "Because you haven't been, Johnny. You're not even taking care of yourself now."

"I take perfectly good fucking care of myself," John growled. "But I promise you that I will take care of myself. I don't think Bobby would let me do anything but take care of myself at this point."

"That's because you don't," Jubilee said, continuing before John could protest. "Have I told you yet how Theresa's soulmark is blue? Because it is, which means I'm not going to have to worry about some romantic soulmate coming along."

"That's great, Jubes," John said, smiling at her. "Now tell me about her."


	13. Chapter 13

**October 31st**

John was on his way to the kitchen when he heard the telltale sounds that the elevator was arriving. A quick check of the clock told him that it was only eight, and he thought that the employee dinner had been supposed to start at seven. When the door opened and revealed Bobby, John sighed heavily and shook his head. “I told you to go to the dinner.”

“I did,” Bobby said defensively. “I went, I mingled, I gave my speech, and I left.”

John gave him a disbelieving look. “You did all of that in less than an hour?”

“The dinner started at seven,” Bobby said. “The cocktail hour began at six. I did exactly as I told you and then came home. I would have much rather been here with you anyway.”

“So if I text Rogue and ask her if you really went, she'd say what?”

“She will tell you the same thing I did. And get her to text you a picture of her dress too. She looked gorgeous tonight.”

“I hope you know I'm actually doing that,” John said, walking towards where he'd left his phone. “I'm not going to be happy if you're lying to me.”

“I'm not lying to you,” Bobby said, heading in the direction of the bedroom. “I'm going to go get out of this suit.”

John picked up his phone and quickly sent Rogue a text, and he was surprised a few moments later when he got the response Bobby had said he would accompanied by a picture of the two of them together. They were obviously in a ballroom surrounded by other people, and John couldn't help but shake his head. After sending her back thanks and a compliment on her dress, he turned around to see Bobby standing there, a knowing look on his face. 

“You were right,” John said after a moment. “She looked beautiful. Green really is her color.”

“I told you I wasn't lying,” Bobby said softly. “I would not lie to you, Johnny, especially about something as trivial as that.”

“I find it very hard to believe that you wouldn't lie to me,” John said, following Bobby to the kitchen. “Everyone lies to everyone. It's how the world works.”

“It might be, but I never want to lie to you. That's why I have something to discuss with you. Drink?”

“Can't drink still because of the fucking painkillers,” John murmured. “But that fake champagne shit that Jubes brought over isn't all that bad, so I'll take a glass of that.”

“Then I'll have that too.”

“If you want a fucking drink, Bobby, have a fucking drink.”

Bobby stared at John for a moment, gauging his expression before reaching for the tequila. “Just a couple. I don't want to flaunt the fact that I can have this in front of you.”

“You can get drunk for all I fucking care,” John said, grabbing a couple of glasses. “So what is this thing you can't lie to me about?”

“It's simple, really,” Bobby said, taking the glasses from John. “I talked to Ronny. He left this morning for Los Angeles because Dad put him in charge of a big project there, so I was wondering when he'd be back in New York. He said that it won't be until around the end of December, like New Years time, so I said that we'd arrange for you to meet him then.”

John sighed heavily and accepted his glass from Bobby. “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“Because you told me that you would meet him and this way you've got two months to prepare yourself for it,” Bobby said, taking a long sip of his drink. “If it gets to be the end of December and you're still not ready for it, then I'll tell him that he can't meet you yet. Simple as that.”

John stood there for a few moments before sighing again. “Promise me that.”

“I promise.”

“Really?'

“Really.”

John smiled and took a sip of his drink. “Then okay. I will try to be ready to meet him at the end of December.”

Bobby grinned back at him. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“I just want to make you happy, baby,” John breathed out. “I want you to want me around.”

“I am so unbelievably happy,” Bobby said strongly. “And I will always want you around.”

John took a long sip of his drink while he silently told himself to believe what Bobby was saying. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“I'm trying,” John said quietly. “It's going to take me a long time to get there, but I'm trying.”

“That's all that I can ask for you to do,” Bobby said, reaching out and squeezing John's hand. “That's all I want for you to do.”

John just rolled his eyes. “You want me to fucking believe you.”

“Well, obviously, but right now I want you to at least try to believe me,” Bobby said, squeezing John's hand again. “And we'll get to the point where you do.”

“And if we don't?” John asked softly. 

“Then we'll deal with that. But I refuse to think about that being a possibility right now. Right now, all we need to concentrate on is the fact that you're going to one day believe me. And that day will be one of the best days in the history of the world.”

John shook his head. “I don't know about that, Bobby.”

“I do, Johnny. I know it will be.”

John just knocked back the rest of his drink. “So, since you came home early, what shall we do with the rest of the night? It's Halloween, so I'm sure there are some scary movies on or something.”

“I think we should celebrate the way we always used to celebrate Halloween,” Bobby said, grinning. “I found the horns and the halo the other day. Same ones we used that first Halloween we spent together.”

John laughed loudly. “You want this devil to fuck your angel?”

“I would if you weren't so injured,” Bobby said, giving him another grin. “But I thought we could settle for an old style makeout session like we used to.”

John laughed again. “When have we ever had a makeout session that didn't end in sex, Bobby?”

“We did,” Bobby said defensively. “You know we did.”

John stepped forward and pulled Bobby into a hard kiss. “The only makeout session we've ever had that I remember that didn't end in sex is when we made out beneath that tree that very first night.”

“Okay, you might be right about that.” Bobby grabbed onto John's hand and pulled him towards the sofa, carefully bringing him into his arms once they were next to it. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” John said, pushing away from him. “Get the headbands.”

Bobby headed towards the office while John reached down and slowly took his shirt off. The pain was better now but still crisp, and the movement made him wince more than he would have liked. He got his elbow caught in the shirt and tried to move around to free it, letting out an audible moan as pain shot through his side. Before he could say a thing, he felt a gentle hand around his wrist and then Bobby was carefully freeing John's arm, finishing taking off the shirt. 

“Thank you,” John murmured, glancing up to see the halo above Bobby's head. “Fuck, that's sexy. You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen.”

“You're pretty goddamn gorgeous yourself,” Bobby said, reaching out to place the horned headband on John's head. “So, how do you want to do this? I don't want to do anything to hurt you.”

“You won't,” John said sincerely. “I promise if it gets to be too much, I'll stop what's happening.”

Bobby looked into John's eyes and saw nothing but honesty, so he smiled at him. “Then tell me what you want me to do.”

John grinned. “Take your shirt off.”

Bobby quickly stripped himself of the garment and tossed it to the side, shuddering when John's fingers suddenly ran up his sides. “Fuck, how do you still remember every single place to touch me?”

“Because I never forgot this,” John murmured, stepping closer to him. “I never forgot you.”

Bobby went to respond but he was cut off by John's lips on his, and he carefully slid his arms around John's waist and pulled him closer. He sighed happily when John broke the kiss to trail them down his jaw and then his neck, and he slid his hands into the back of John's pants, smiling when he heard John groan. “I cannot tell you how much it means to me to know that you didn't forget this.”

“I wanted to,” John mumbled into Bobby's skin. “I won't deny that. But there was always something that kept me from being able to. That's got to be the soulmates thing.”

“I think a lot of our connection has always been the soulmates thing,” Bobby said softly. “I think that's how we knew from that very first night.”

John nipped at Bobby's collarbone and smiled when he yelped. “I think you're probably right about that. Now kiss me.”

Bobby leaned in and kissed John softly, making John roll his eyes as Bobby pulled back. “What part of makeout session do you not understand?”

“I thought we should start off slowly,” Bobby murmured. “Ease into it.”

John just reached out and grabbed Bobby by the neck, pulling him into a hard kiss. Bobby's arms came around John's waist and drew him closer, sighing happily when John deepened the kiss. He started to run his hands up John's sides until he remembered his wound, so he switched their position to his back and carefully ran them up and down. John shuddered against him as he broke the kiss and Bobby instantly became worried that he'd hurt him.

“Johnny?”

“I'm fine,” John breathed out, sucking in a deep breath. “I promise. I just...I need a moment.”

Bobby's worry deepened. “Talk to me. Please.”

“Breathing is still kind of difficult,” John admitted. “I think it's because of the broken ribs. Anyway, it's difficult and kissing you just now, that deep for that long, it was kind of painful.”

“Alright, that's it,” Bobby declared, pulling back. “We're not doing this.”

“Bobby, it's okay. I'm fine.”

“No,” Bobby said strongly, “you are not. I can't do this if you're in that much pain.”

“Bobby.”

“I want you healthy and pain-free as soon as possible, and once you are, we're going to stay in bed for a very long time making up for all of this, but right now you need to heal up. And if you're in pain just from kissing me then we're not going to be doing this. Simple as that.”

“Baby, stop,” John declared, and Bobby took a deep breath before looking at him.

“Johnny, I'm being serious.”

“I know you are,” John said, smiling at him. “I know you're not going to let us do this. And that's fine as long as you live up to that promise about what's going to happen once I'm not in pain.”

“Oh, that's a promise I intend to keep,” Bobby said seriously. “I need this just as much as you do. I can't believe I went two years without the incredible feeling I get when we fuck. I'm addicted to it again already.”

John's smile turned into a grin. “Well, at least we're on the same page in that regard because I'm pretty fucking addicted to it too.”

Bobby smiled. “It's been a month, Johnny, and it feels like it's been an hour. I don't want time with you to go this fast.”

John stepped closer to Bobby and put his head on his shoulder. “It will slow down as we get used to this again.”

“You sound so sure of it.”

“We need to reestablish our relationship,” John said after a moment. “Jubes and Kitty have been talking to me about it nonstop since I went to the shop the other day. Right now we have a soul infatuation but not a relationship. We need a relationship.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that I think that we need to start dating again,” John murmured. “We haven't done anything that hasn't involved the coffee shop or being here in the penthouse. We used to go to movies and go have dinners and spend days at the museums. We used to do things together. We're not doing any of that right now.”

Bobby smiled. “I'm okay with us dating again.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

John took a deep breath. “You realize this means someone will pick up on this.”

“I already told you, Johnny. I'm not hiding this.”

“Even with the reaction from your father?”

“My father doesn't fucking matter when it comes to you,” Bobby said firmly. “I don't care if he takes away my job, I don't care if he takes away my inheritance, I don't care if I never speak to my parents again. I am not going to let him affect what is going on with you. I need you far more than I need any of that.”

John started blinking when he realized his eyes were filling with tears. “You shouldn't give all that up for me.”

“There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that is more important in the world than you,” Bobby said softly. “I just wish that you believed that.”

John swallowed hard and tried to bring his emotions under control, but instead, he found the tears starting to roll down his cheeks. “Bobby,” he said, his voice breaking. “You can't mean that.”

“I mean every word,” Bobby said, leaning over and pressing his lips to John's temple. “Every single syllable.”

John took in a shuddering breath and turned his head, pressing a kiss to Bobby's neck before burying his face in it. Bobby felt the wetness against his skin and pulled John closer, gently holding him so he didn't cause him pain. “Oh, Johnny. It's okay. It's really okay.”

“I can't believe you feel like that,” John sobbed. “No one should feel that way about me. Absolutely no one.”

“Everyone should feel that way about you,” Bobby murmured. “And that's not you talking. That's your father.”

John started crying harder and Bobby pulled him closer on instinct, making John yelp and pull away. “Fuck, that hurt.”

“I'm sorry,” Bobby said quickly. “I'm so, so sorry.”

“It's okay,” John said after a moment, reaching up to wipe at his eyes. “I'm fine. It just really hurt for a moment.”

“I didn't mean to make you cry either,” Bobby said softly. “So I'm sorry for that too.”

“No, no,” John murmured, shaking his head. “Don't apologize for something you meant. It's just my fucked up head that made me cry, not you.”

“Johnny, don't call yourself fucked up.”

“Why not?” John laughed. “I am. I have been since I was a child. I've just gotten so good at hiding it that no one but Jubes ever noticed, and I still don't know how she did. I was fucking twelve-years-old and here comes this new girl in this hideous bright yellow jacket who sat down next to me in the cafeteria because I was the only kid who wasn't sitting with someone else, and she could tell instantly that I was fucked up. Instantly, baby. She's been trying to be a fucking therapist ever since.”

“It's good that happened, though. It's good that you had someone to talk to about this.”

John shook his head again. “It's been a motherfucking pain in the ass. Constantly being asked if I'm alright. Constantly being asked if I believed that you loved me. I fucking lied to her too just to get her to stop.”

Bobby felt his breath catch in his throat. “You've never believed that I love you?”

“I can't,” John whispered. “I just can't. I want to more than anything but I just can't.”

Bobby stepped forward and gently took John back into his arms. “Oh, Johnny. You can. You can and you will. You'll get there. And when you do, you're going to realize that I've been in love with you from that very first night.”

John swallowed hard and stared into Bobby's eyes, seeing nothing but honesty in them. “Really?”

Bobby nodded. “I told you, I'm not going to lie to you. Especially not about something this important. I cannot remember a moment when I haven't loved you, Johnny. I loved you then, I loved you when we were apart, and I love you now. That's never going to change.”

John took a deep breath and then pulled Bobby into a kiss, sighing into it when Bobby's hands settled on his hips. “Okay,” he murmured as he pulled back. “I'm going to believe that. I am. I really am. It might take me a long time, but I'm going to believe that.”

Bobby smiled at him. “I know you will. And I cannot wait for that day.”

John nodded and reached up to wipe at his eyes again. “Alright, so the makeout session is out. What should we do now?”

“I think we need to go lie in bed, watch whatever horrible scary movie is on television, and keep wearing these headbands until we decide to go to sleep.”

John laughed and brought his hands up to the halo above Bobby's head. “You really are the sexiest thing I've ever seen when you wear this, you know.”

“Then maybe we'll just have to postpone our Halloween shenanigans until you're better,” Bobby said, bringing his hands up to the horns. “Because you're the sexiest thing I've ever laid eyes on with these.”

“I don't know about that.”

“Johnny,” Bobby said, kissing him. “I'm telling you the truth.”

John stared at him for a moment before breaking their embrace. “You get some snacks and drinks. I'll go find a movie for us to watch.”

Bobby watched as John walked away and sighed once he was out of earshot. He knew that there was a lot of work to be done to build John's self-confidence up, but he was going to do everything he could to make it happen. 

But it really hurt to know that John didn't believe that he loved him. It hurt more than words could ever express. 

“Bobby? You coming?”

“Be there in a minute!” Bobby called out and forced himself to walk to the kitchen. 

They were going to fix this because he didn't know what he was going to do if they didn't. He didn't know if he could live with the fact that John didn't believe that he was loved. But if it didn't, he was going to deal with that too.

He had no other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sequel coming in a couple of weeks. lord only knows how out of control that will get.


End file.
